Saturday, October 30, 2010

Week 8 Preview

Fellatio (1-6) at DPDM (4-3)
Carson Palmer: Hey man. I did a great job last week, don’t you think?
RSR: Yeah, I’ll be honest; you were really my only choice.
CP: But I threw for 400 yards. That’s worth an extra 12 points. You’re welcome.
RSR: Oh…uh. Thanks? I mean I won by 90 points, so I didn’t really need you.
CP: Yeah, but I’m CPalms. I’ve got a Heisman.
RSR: No.
CP: But you’re going to start me again this week, right?
RSR: No.

Suh (2-5) at Celery Men (7-0)
The band is on the field moment of 2010 happened this past week when Tuesday morning scoring declared Home Run King the victor against ARB. Lo and behold, The Celery Men ended up prevailing thanks to the Thursday rescore. A 150-149 victory kept ARB unmarred in his campaign for an undefeated season.

TOTO (3-4) at Buehler (5-2)
MMB has to be fuming after Rescoregate 2010. He has dropped three straight games and lacks the consistency on defense to make him competitive week in and week out. It has become clear that MMB attended the “Day Late, Dollar Short Academy of Free Agent Signing” after once again rehauling his roster with players who had monster performances three weeks ago. Buehler should have no trouble recovering from his Week 7 loss, a game he played without Peyton Manning and LaDainian Tomlinson.

Syndrome (0-7) at Tayne (4-3)
JBF has been celebrating since Beanie Wells was announced as the Cardinal’s starter. That’s right, the player everyone else knew was the starter was named the starter week 8. Thanks Whisenhunt, I see what you’re doing here. Your all-pro wide receiver has 2 touchdowns and 300 yards on the year so you try and take away from pressure from your rookie QB by drawing attention to Beanie Wells. If Wells is the starter then I expect to get starter stats. In other words: Pay. Me. My. Money. Bitch.
COCO (4-3) at Assholes (5-2)
With his recent move to the New York, Bernard has taken this fight up to ADL. Since starting the season 0-3, ADL has been able to string together a series of four victories leaving him tied for second place in the AFC. The Assholes reclaimed partial ownership of the NFC’s top spot after their week 7 win. No telling who will win this matchup, but both will end up the losers as long as they have to deal with the guido trash up in NYC.

Friday, October 29, 2010


I guess no one saw CPalm's average display of 412 yards on 36/50 throwing for three touchdowns last week. His mediocre 51.5 points had a small hand in the okay 215 points scored by DPDM.


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Life Imitates Art?

Brian Wilson: Sweater Fondler
Are Brian Wilson and Gene from Wet Hot American Summer the same people? You decide.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Mistah Kurtz -- he dead.

            A penny for the Old Guy


We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.


Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer --

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom


This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.


The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.


Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

                    For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

                    Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow

                    For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Week 7 Preview

Fellatio (1-5) at Tayne (3-3)
Tayne might have trouble taking out Fellatio if he doesn’t get his bye week situation taken care of. Chris Ivory will once again get the start for New Orleans, but whether or not he starts for RER has yet to be determined. What Tayne does have going for him is a league low 3 acquisitions going into Sunday which allows him the opportunity to make some upgrades. Fellatio’s offense is finally hitting its stride, but the defense continues to struggle. If he plans on making a comeback this season, GMF is going to need someone other than Jason Babin to step up and make some plays.

Celery Men (6-0) at TOTO (3-3)
The Homerun King gambled last week and lost when starting QB Vince Young went down in his Monday Night showdown with Jacksonville. MMB made the decision pregame to bench his Head Coach and play sans Kicker, a managerial blunder that cost him 14 points and the road win against the Tayne. The Celery Men continue to roll, boasting the only undefeated record in the CABC. ARB must have tremendous confidence in his team based on his decision to start Tom Brady against San Diego’s top ranked pass defense instead of Matt Cassell facing a Jacksonville Jaguars secondary that practices the pull out method when it comes to preventing wide receivers from scoring.

COCO (3-3) at Syndrome (0-6)
I’ve become quite comfortable down here at the bottom of the league. It has allowed me to focus on my passions, like stimulating the economy and holding the good people in Samsung’s television department accountable for their 100,000-hour guarantee. It would be a nice confidence boost to win a game, which is why I have tasked our baker-in-residence to whip up some magic dinner rolls and help me make my dream come true.

Suh (2-4) at DPDM (3-3)
With both teams coming off Week 6 losses, this game is almost sure to yield some of the lowest scores of this week. The Friendless Fighters received some bad news this week when it was announced that Dallas Clark had come down with a case of Rangers Fever mutating his hand into a claw that will require season ending surgery to repair. This compounded with the “loss” of David Garrard puts RSR as clear underdogs to a Suh team that hopes new acquisition Donovan McNabb can provide the points that Brett Favre has not delivered this season.

Buehler (5-1) at Assholes (4-2)
The Assholes are favored in all but one player matchup this week, but I have a feeling that BEN has confidence in his team with or without the House of Spears. Buehler has been strong up to this point, but it looks like this is Kelly’s Week Off. He’s going to get rocked-Prehistoric Style!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Nerdwell Wins Week6 Like A G6

If 16-year-old girls like it then Bernard loves it...Like Three-6.

Sure Kevin Kolb scored this week's high of 39 points, but he's the MVP because he ended DeSean Jackson's career. BOOM!

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

Yankees' fans are douche bags.
Molina goes yard, A-Rod sulks.

Rangers win, Nolan Ryan laughs like a maniac.
Images via TheBigLead, MockSession, Bob&Dan

Sunday, October 17, 2010

For Your CaM-ing Pleasure

Emo Family Matters

Johnny Cash - Hurt

Elliot Smith - Needle in the Hay

Friday, October 15, 2010

SKC Mystery Solved!

Hioh! No need for any more posts proclaiming the dickness of Stanley's absence. Mystery solved!

Barnard, who recently moved to New York to start B. Narwhal Private Eye and Party Planning, recently uncovered the whereabouts of CABC's prizewinner SKC.

Costa Rica! Aviaros del Caribe!

SKC's parents really wanted to name him Sloth Kinsey Cunningham, but after SKC's grandfather Stanley Louise Carmichael (father of Mary Martha Cunningham [SKC's mother] and pioneer of the tool company) received word of such a beautiful name, jealousy ensued! Not wanting to upset her father, MMC named SKC after him. In honor of his daughter's grace, SLC created a sloth farm after the birth of his grandson .

Could YOU use the services of B. Narwhal Jr. and uncover similar mysteries in YOUR life? You can read more about his sleuthy services on his blogpost.

Fuzzy Friday

Happy Fuzzday!

Hate kittehs? BONUS FUZZ!

Week 6 Preview. Go Rangers!

Buehler (4-1) at Syndrome (0-5)
Following another disappointing week, The Syndrome took out his aggression against SKR in two epic FIFA11 matchups. You like that goal at the end of overtime, King? Oh you want more bitch? What JBF lacks in talent, he makes up for in flair *jazz hands*. The one team member The Syndrome has been able to count on week in and week out has been Falcons Head Coach Mike Smith. The first place coach still can’t hook a brother up and let me know when that new Jeezy is going to drop though.
Buehler turned in his lowest point total last week in his first loss of the season. SKC still maintains a hold on first place in the NFC. With Peyton playing against the 29th ranked Redskin secondary, a win this week will put him in the catbird seat for his week seven rematch against Nerdwell. The way Kelly has been tearing through CABC this season and neglecting his true blog buddies, could he really be Hipster Hitler in verkleidung? Eat Shit Belgium.
TOTO (3-2) at Tayne (2-3)
Careful folks, the Tayne is angry. RER has dropped three games in a row and as a result decided to shake up his roster a little bit. Garrett Hartley, YOURE FUCKING OUT! A season changing move of this kind has not been seen since the Dingleberries’ legendary Rob Bironas-Larry Tynes shakeup of 2009.
In his last game, Arian Foster put up stats like an undrafted free agent out of Tennessee. He will need to return to his recent ways against KC before facing a tough stretch after his bye week. And MMB has faced a slight defensive slide in recent weeks. For some reason his strategy of picking up available players with super high scores week two has not paid off as anticipated.

Assholes (3-2) at Suh (2-3)
After a two game skid and losing half of his starting lineup to injuries, the Assholes aim to turn their luck around against the Abominable Suh Monster in an NFC epic. The Asshole’s manager, Bertrand L Narwhall Esq Jr, has fully embraced the mindset of the City That Never Sleeps in the short week he has called it home. It has yet to be seen if this lack of rest will cause him to slip up on Sunday.
With Ray Race waiting to score until week five and Arian Foster and Chris Johnson turning in up and down weeks, the well rested Adrian Peterson has 10 more weeks to show off his stuff. AD hasn’t has a fumble yet this season, but now that I have brought it up let the fumbles begins. Hey All Day, fumble just a little less. Ya know, not because you suck. Because you, you don’t suck. You just probably want to try holding onto the ball a little better. However you’re doing it right now—do that, just better. Don’t fumble is what we’re trying to say here. You kinda fumble a lot. FYI.
Continue Reading for More NSFW Fun

Thursday, October 14, 2010

SKC Hates You and Everything You Stand For

He's probably a terrorist
Stan hates America, The Dallas Cowboys, Capitalism (the religion, not the economic theory), hot girls, baby animals (especially puppies), science, and fantasy football.

That's the only logical reason he wouldn't post on this blog.

Stan is the love child of Hitler and Oprah. He hates everything good in this world.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Week 5 Review: FIGJAM, a tale of two brothers

Code Name: Duchess is 5-0
Some Week 5 thoughts:
  • The two pairs of brothers in this league are heading in opposite directions: RSR is on a three game win streak, RER has lost his last three; GMF is week 5 champion, JBF is winless.
  • Eight of our ten teams are either have a playoff spot or are a single game back.
  • Scoring is down both NFL and CABC-wide, but I expect this to regress to the mean.
  • Phillip Rivers is your Week 5 MVP with 44.5 points.
  • The middle eight teams are all very close in PF and PA.
  • Applejack is the most under-appreciated liquor. It's like alcoholic apple juice.
  • Mini-pumpkin pies are pretty much the greatest thing in the world
  • You probably shouldn't send unsolicited pictures of your dick to girls you barely know (I think balls are acceptable, though. Balls are funny.)
  • If you absolutely must send dick-pics, remember that lighting and perspective are your friends.
  • On a related note, I really want someone to name their team "Favre's Little Secret" or "He's like a kid out/down there!" or something similar, but much, much better.
  • Are we still playing our NCAA league? I'd like to win the national championship.
  • Archer is easily my favorite show on television.
  • We got about 3800 page-views last week. That's respectable, but we can do better. 
  • I'd like to formally call out SKC for contributing absolutely nothing to this blog. Not a GIF, not a cat photo, not a picture of a weirdo. Nothing.
  • Les Miles is has become a parody of himself. He's just fucking around at this point.
  • The Rangers victory was fantastic. Cliff Lee is a robot sent back through time to destroy all batting averages. 
  • No team has beaten The Cowboys yet this year. They've beaten themselves.
  • There's little I wouldn't do for my own Mini-Giraffe.
  • Feel free to add any of your Week 5 remarks in the comments.
  • Alright, good talk. See you out there.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Picture Unrelated
I'd like to congratulate GMF on his triumphant weekly championship. It's good to see you in the win column, buddy.

Monday, October 11, 2010

One Night Only

Every week I offer Stanley and Alexander the deal of the season. One Silky smooth QB for one of their team's letdowns, Peyton Manning and Thomas Brady, respectively. Does CABC Nation doubt David's worth? Let's go to Week 5's numbers.

Tom Brady: --
Peyton Manning: 9.5

Silkster: 19

Eeeeek! Dr. Garrard doubled Branning's --,9.5 combo. The trade is still available, pending the acceptance of Matt Hasselturtle for DBDO or TCM #2's as well.

Waffle Fries. Fo free.

Dallas Sports Armageddon?

The dream of Dallas sports' dominance is over
Do you remember when the Cowboys were a hot Superbowl pick?

Do you remember when the Rangers were up 2-0 and heading home to close the series?

Yesterday was a nightmare. It could get worse tomorrow.

EDIT: Cliff Lee descended from the heavens to save the season. Owe you one, Jesus.  
Courtesy P1 Robby

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I'll Miss Your Hair Most Of All

Farewell, Garrett Hartley. You had a good run, but it went to your head, and 2010 just doesn't seem to be your year.

I picked you up because you seemed like a reasonably nice fellow, albeit a little high on yourself. And let's be honest; the Saints wouldn't have gotten to the Super Bowl without some clutch kicks.

No I don't want to hold your damn ring again. Is that mousse? Gel?

But all that's past now. I've had two poor weeks, and you sitting on the sideline, making sure your bleached locks are perfectly coiffed isn't going to help me win any games.

And so, in a strange twist of fate, I set you aside for a man who's also been known to have an off year: gentlemen and Miss Rush, I present to you... NICK FOLK!

Sideline Judges are in charge of the officiating of smiles

Def Comedy Week 5 Preview

In honor of our friend Bernard’s move to New York City, I have selected a range of comedic performances for your viewing pleasures.

COCO (1-3) at Tayne (2-2)
COCO needs his offense to get rolling. Elisha is working a 2 game TD drought. Ochocinco hasn’t found the end zone since Week 1 and Ray Rice still has yet to score. Since starting the season with two impressive wins, Tayne has struggled in recent weeks. Things look promising this week as his offensive players have favorable matchups against weak Raider and Cardinal defenses.

Buehler (4-0) at DPDM (2-2)
After defeating the Assholes last weekend, SKC has the lead in the NFC. But with Run DMC benched against San Diego this week, the Friend-me-nots and Maurice Jones-Drew could pull an upset over the undefeated LSAT Preparatory Class Graduate.

Syndrome (0-4) at Suh (1-3)
A lot of attention was paid to BEN’s WR breakdown during MNF, but no one was surprised when Mike Sims-Walker and Legedu Naanee both delivered 0 point games Week 4. Now with Donald Driver on this team, JBF hopes the Syndrome will finally be able to put a tally in the win column. SKR has his top players going head to head in a Monday Night matchup where he hopes Brett Favre will be able to get the passing game going with his new toy.

Fellatio (0-4) at TOTO (3-1)
MMB comes into this matchup as 35-point favorites. After declaring a fire sale of his players, GMF failed to make any radical roster moves this week. Cutler has been lost to injury and unless Chris Johnson can finally get going against the Cowboys, it could be another slow week for Foxborough Fellatio.

Celery Men (4-0) at Assholes (3-1)
Coming off his brutal defeat at the hands of David Buehler’s Rejects, the newly relocated Nerdwell aims to level the playing field against ARB in this week’s headline matchup. The Celery Men are taking a chance this week by playing still unproven Chiefs players against a 2-2 Colts team with something to prove. This game looks to be one for the ages as BEN is currently favored only by his 5-point Home Field Advantage.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Here's to hoping these bees don't move to Ashburn, VA

If you're from Ashburn, VA, and are not being attacked by bees please let us know. Or let us know if you were at the Cook-Johnson-Mack Family Reunion 2010. Please give us the potato salad recipe; where was that chicken from, Church's? It was DELICIOUS.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Jeff's Sloppy Mistake

You're Welcome

This song is dedicated to all the girls I ever dated.
To all the women I ever loved when I was growin' up.
Now say uh-huh, whatever, whatever, whatever (4x)

-Verse 1-
Her name was Lisa, took her out to Max's for a slice of pizza
Little fashionista, said "Hi, my name's Johnny and it's nice to meet ya."
Ask her where she from, she said "Bayside, away from the slums."
I decided to make my assumptions, my buddy and my Teddy Ruxpin's.
So I asked her name. Already knew it but I had to play games.
Why? Well let's just say that getting shut down's a shame
She's so stuck up, I'm so in love
But no one's loved her like I love her
But she's never fucked her homie
But I fucked Stacey Carosi

That's what girls do, play you from the start.
That's what girls do, just to break your heart.
That's what girls do, they love to play you like a fool.
That's what girls do, the one's I knew in high school.
Now say uh-huh, whatever, whatever, whatever (4x)

-Verse 2-
Her name Kapowski, said whaddup then I said I'm out-ski.
Head cheerleader when she's around she makes me all tense have trouble pronouncing.
Plus she already got a man. Big man on campus, I'll be goddamned. (That's whack).
(Crazy motherfucker that's Zack! How you gonna out do that?) Good point.
Guess I can't. So I move on. Plus her girl Jessie got it going on.
It might get messy cause she's off and on with a wrestler who's really strong.
Her girl Tori's another story. Think she's whistling to the wheat field.
Some times I'm AC Slater, but most of the time I know how Screech feels.


Please baby, you know you've got me on my knees beggin' please...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Week 4 Review: Fantastic Finishes

T.O.'s Time Outs thought they had the Week 4 Championship. The Celery Men thought otherwise.
What a week of football! The ending to the Tennessee-LSU game was the craziest finish I have ever seen. Here's the video for those who missed it (watch the ENTIRE video):

Jesus, that's a tough loss. Sucks to be you, Tennessee.

In CABC land, scoring was down across the board, but this was an incredibly exciting week. Three teams were projected to overtake their opponents heading into MNF, but all three ended up falling short. SKC, ADL, and RSR can officially relax. BEN, GMF, and SKR can officially curse their teams for folding like a cheap suit. Let's break down the action:

ARB wears glasses while he calculates; he thinks it makes him smarter.
The Celery Men (4-0) over Nude Tayne (2-2), 183.5 - 134

Just who are Nude Tayne? Are they the juggernaut from Weeks 1 and 2, or are they the pretenders from Weeks 3 and 4? Only time will tell. The Celery Men have turned in four remarkably consistent performances: 182.5, 181.5, 188, and 183.5. Is this a result of ARB's careful planning or merely luck? Again, only time will tell.
MMB looks cute and cuddly, but he's secretly sort of dangerous.
T.O.'s Time Outs (3-1) over First Down Syndrome (0-4), 177.5 - 107

Well, MMB, you gave me quite a scare! For a moment there, I thought my Week Championship was in jeopardy! The Time Outs are trending upwards, and I think I speak for everyone when I say, "please don't." Our Week 4 MVP, Arian Foster, dropped 44 this week after some seriously weird "disciplinary benching" (he missed 25 minutes). If you can miss almost half a game and still put up MVP numbers, then you might be a badass. JBF, I just don't know what to say. My current theory is that the stress of hosting all of us for the draft temporarily took your mind off of selecting quality players. I'd like to tell you that I had a fantastic time at CABC Draft 2010, and thank you for sacrificing your team to get us Chick-fil-A.
ADL is just happy to be out there mixing it up
Cocks Out Crocs Out (1-3) over Foxborough Fellatio (0-4), 131 - 123

In this battle of winless teams, ADL triumphed by a small margin. Both these teams' quarterbacks played in the ugliest SNF game in recent memory. Somone should page Ray Rice and tell him that the season has started. GMF has declared a Fellatio "Fire Sale", which sounds like he's selling an oral sex/gonorrhea combo pack. Personally, I think this is a mistake. Fellatio certainly requires some work, but I don't think blowing up the whole team is necessary. At least GMF has Kolb coming back...
SKC has the NFC in the palm of his hand.
David Buehler's Day Off (4-0) over Assholes Finish 1st (3-1), 156.5 - 134.5

This was easily the game of the week. NFC dominance and a playoff tie-breaker were at stake, and heading into Monday Night Football, BEN was the clear favorite. Luckily for SKC, Brandon Marshall and Randy Moss made a bet going to see who could put up fewer points. SKC triumphed over BEN, and now holds the sole lead in the NFC. I have a feeling that BEN will be back with a vengeance. Can't wait for the rematch.
RSR is as happy a a baby hippo after this close win
DP Defriended Me (2-2) over NomNomNom Suh (1-3), 150.5 - 150

The Thrill of Victory! The Agony of Defeat! Any time you lose a close game, you're upset with yourself. "If only...," you cry bitterly into the unforgiving night sky. At times like this, one can only remember the wisdom of the great ones:

I go in, I triple deke. I fake the goalie right out of his pads.

The puck's headed in, and then...

Clang! Hits the post.

We lost in overtime.

A quarter of an inch this way and it would have gone in.

A quarter of an inch, Charlie. 

Yeah, but a quarter inch the other way and you'd have missed completely. 

-The Mighty Ducks  
(Note: This sounded a lot more reasonable when I was a retarded little kid. I now know what a 1/4" looks like. I now realize how big both a hockey puck and a goalpost are. A 1/4" either wouldn't have allowed him make it, or it wouldn't have made him miss completely.)

Fellatio Fire Sale!

In light of the undoubtably impressive 0-4 start by the Foxborough Fellatio, I will be having a fire sale of most players. All inquiries can be made at your nearest brothel.

Week 4 Champion: THE CELERY MEN


¡mi bisabuela!

When life's got you down...

Friday, October 1, 2010

Silly Ochocinco, Cereals aren't for Phone Sex

The number on the boxes, 1-800-HELP-FTC, connects callers to a seductive-sounding woman's voice and music. She teases in shocking detail and then asks for a debit or credit card number: "You must be 18 or older to get into this party, baby!"

From Charles, "They have to get the right number 1-888-Help FTC. If you dial 800 you're on your own."

Bye Week?! More Like Ry(der Cup) Week!!! -or- Week 4 Preview

Assholes (3-0) at Buehler (3-0)
In this week’s marquee matchup, one of these two teams will get a leg up in the battle for the NFC. With their defenses evenly matched and skill players riding hot streaks it could come down to the passing game. Both sets of QBs face defenses that could lead to a boatload of points. Regardless of who wins this game, come week 5 these teams will have new players at their disposal with the return of Roethlisberger for the Assholes and a chance for Roy Williams to make his debut for David Buehler.

Fellatio (0-3) at COCO (0-3)Last week’s battle of the bads was a close game until Mike Vick hit the field. This week does not look to be a repeat as The Boston Blows have scored a ton of points only to be shocked 2 weeks in a row and The Cocks are close to not having enough players to take the field. As ADL goes to 0-4 it is hard to know if he’ll attribute the loss to the Bye-Week Blues, or ring the alarm and make some roster moves. I’m sure that receiving tandem of Megatron and Ochocinco would draw some bids on the open market.

Celery (3-0) at Tayne (2-1)
After making waves the first two weeks, the Tayne fell back to Earth week 3. Jahvid Best realized he played for the Lions, Marques Colston took a back seat to Lance Moore, and Derek Anderson couldn’t find Larry Fitzgerald all afternoon. With gaps at the TE position and on Defense, Tayne will have a difficult time overcoming The Celery Men who continue rolling in the AFC. Following his 29.5-point performance last week against the Jaguars, DeSean Jackson is sure to beat that score against the Redskins and the league’s worst Passing D.

Time Outs (2-1) at Syndrome (0-3)
The Syndrome are projected to come up short in every player by player matchup against the Time Outs this weekend. Despite being 80-point underdogs, the Syndromes offensive players have favorable defensive matchups this week. The Home Run King claims to have not voted down yesterday’s trade, but his insecurity is probably preventing him from fessing up. Now he claims to be planning some sort of “smack down.” Okay, kid, let’s see what you’ve got.

DPDM (1-2) at NomNomNom (1-2)
There’s only one way to sum up what looks to be a tight game between two middle of the pack teams.

When Asian Capitalism wins we'll all look like this...

And bet on sports such as these:

Fuzzy Fridays

Theme: Hipster Pets

Ice Cream Kitty doesn't care about fried foods at the state fair.

Hipster dogs are apathetic towards the outcome of the Texas/OU game.

Panda Kitty vetoed the trade.

Bonus Fuzz! (No hipsters involved)

Do YOU have a problem with CABC becoming too adorable?

"Baseball!" "Base...ball?" "Think football with bats." "Sounds rural."

Our semi-beloved Texas Rangers have officially made the playoffs!

It's time to face facts: if you'd like your Dallas area professional sports team to have success, you should force your players, coaches, and management staff to do cocaine.

/Looking at you, Stars and Mavericks-- do your part!

I know it was you Mark. You broke my heart.

Everyone is free to participate in the poll be you from the Bay Area or, I dunno, the greater Washington DC Area.