Return of the Weirdo Watch

Weirdo Watch April 11

Week 6 Preview. Go Rangers!

Buehler (4-1) at Syndrome (0-5)

Following another disappointing week, The Syndrome took out his aggression against SKR in two epic FIFA11 matchups. You like that goal at the end of overtime, King? Oh you want more bitch? What JBF lacks in talent, he makes up for in flair *jazz hands*. The one team member The Syndrome has been able to count on week in and week out has been Falcons Head Coach Mike Smith. The first place coach still can’t hook a brother up and let me know when that new Jeezy is going to drop though.

Buehler turned in his lowest point total last week in his first loss of the season. SKC still maintains a hold on first place in the NFC. With Peyton playing against the 29^th ranked Redskin secondary, a win this week will put him in the catbird seat for his week seven rematch against Nerdwell. The way Kelly has been tearing through CABC this season and neglecting his true blog buddies, could he really be Hipster Hitler in verkleidung? Eat Shit Belgium.

TOTO (3-2) at Tayne (2-3)
Careful folks, the Tayne is angry. RER has dropped three games in a row and as a result decided to shake up his roster a little bit. Garrett Hartley, YOURE FUCKING OUT! A season changing move of this kind has not been seen since the Dingleberries’ legendary Rob Bironas-Larry Tynes shakeup of 2009.

In his last game, Arian Foster put up stats like an undrafted free agent out of Tennessee. He will need to return to his recent ways against KC before facing a tough stretch after his bye week. And MMB has faced a slight defensive slide in recent weeks. For some reason his strategy of picking up available players with super high scores week two has not paid off as anticipated.

Assholes (3-2) at Suh (2-3)
After a two game skid and losing half of his starting lineup to injuries, the Assholes aim to turn their luck around against the Abominable Suh Monster in an NFC epic. The Asshole’s manager, Bertrand L Narwhall Esq Jr, has fully embraced the mindset of the City That Never Sleeps in the short week he has called it home. It has yet to be seen if this lack of rest will cause him to slip up on Sunday.

With Ray Race waiting to score until week five and Arian Foster and Chris Johnson turning in up and down weeks, the well rested Adrian Peterson has 10 more weeks to show off his stuff. AD hasn’t has a fumble yet this season, but now that I have brought it up let the fumbles begins. Hey All Day, fumble just a little less. Ya know, not because you suck. Because you, you don’t suck. You just probably want to try holding onto the ball a little better. However you’re doing it right now—do that, just better. Don’t fumble is what we’re trying to say here. You kinda fumble a lot. FYI.

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A step in the right direction for the quaker entertainnment industry

Weirdo Watch Episode II: Attack of the Wha?

As I entered my Best Buy of choice (Store #253, Phoenix AZ) I observed a woman sitting on the bench outside applying lip gloss. It was a pink pearlescent hue that did not go with her leathery 60 year old skin or her mens briefcase. I went inside and picked up my copy of EA Sports Fifa Soccer 10 for the XBOX360 and browsed the new release dvds. When I emerged from the store 10 minutes later, she was still outside, still on the bench, still applying her lip gloss. Now this is the same Best Buy where I saw a van-load of individuals who were genetically rewarded with an extra chromosome on their day out to play the test version of Rock Band, so I would not be surprised if she was just left behind. Apologies for not including a picture, the one I took did not capture all the qualities that I would have liked it to.
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A SPECIAL REPORT FROM THE FIELD: CABC PRESENTS: WEIRDO WATCH!

First thing I've got to say is WOW. This guy has his shit together. You know what life is about? Life is about finding the things that you love and doing them as much as possible. How do you do all the things you love as much as possible? Well, you combine them together, that's what you do. At least that's what this guy's plan seems to be:

Do I love jogging? Hell yes I do. Do I love doing real estate deals? You bet your fucking ass. 

Do I love iced, non-fat, soy lattes? I love lattes more than I love real estate and jogging combined!

I spotted this little jewel while I was getting coffee before class. I say spotted, but that's not really the truth. The truth is that I heard this guy way before I ever saw him. He was on his bluetooth talking loudly about the details of a purchase agreement for an office building.

So what? He's just trying to nail down the terms of his business transaction while waiting for his coffee. What's the big fuckin' deal? I'll tell you:

This guy is in Starbucks, talking on the phone to his business partner and waiting for his coffee WHILE JOGGING IN PLACE.

In the words of Jack Donaghy, he's got it all figured out*.

This has been Weirdo Watch.

*Jack: (looking through the blinds in Liz's office) Oh, my. There appears to be a gentleman making passionate, angry love to himself.
Liz: Yeah, I know. That's why I closed the blinds in the first place.
Jack: Right in his office. Huh.
(Turns away). Lemon, I like to think of myself as a winner; I like to surround myself with winners. I see potential in you. Let me be your Jack Welch. Let me be your mentor.
Liz: No, thank you.
Jack: That is unfortunate. (Turns around and looks through blinds again) You've, uh, got to admire his persistence and stamina, though. Am I wrong or is he in the middle of a staff meeting?
Liz: Maybe you should be his mentor.
Jack: Obviously he doesn't need one. He's got it all figured out.