The Jokes Write Themselves

Lesbian lawmaker in Utah carries baby for gay men

NFL Network Thursday Nights: Where Football Goes to Die

I do not know how many of you already read Tony Reali's weekly fantasy column, but it is something y'all should be on the lookout for the rest of the season.

Which is scarier: watching a Dolphins-Panthers game, or a Glenn Beck Christmas Special Fucktacular.

The damn Ruskies want to charge the working man more to make him forget his problems and those of his fellow countrymen.

Later boners, I'm going to go watch a little movie about a family of pointy-tooth bloodsuckers.

NOOOOO. Say it ain't sO-prah!

"Drama is like gay man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes."

Oh Shit

Twitter on Xbox?!?!

What were your other two wishes, Stan?

In Other News...

Steve Phillips has been suspended from ESPN for sleeping with a PA.

I don't care how big he wants to play this up, I think we all breathe a sigh of relief when Jerry actually turns down a "significant offer." When I saw this headline I first read significant other, and everyone knows JJ doesn't turn that down because he's got women all over town.

Brooks and Stan can tell you about their PB experiences, but for the rest of you, let me know if y'all are interested in going in on this. As it continues to rain in TX and LA, out here in Phoenix we are enjoying highs of 85 and nighttime lows in the mid-60s. Perfect for a day out with the old metal detector and shovel.

And personally, I would still choose to be shot in the chest than any other areas.

We all need to come up with a team uniform before the new zombie hunt begins. Fuck and Yes.

Weirdo Watch Episode II: Attack of the Wha?

As I entered my Best Buy of choice (Store #253, Phoenix AZ) I observed a woman sitting on the bench outside applying lip gloss. It was a pink pearlescent hue that did not go with her leathery 60 year old skin or her mens briefcase. I went inside and picked up my copy of EA Sports Fifa Soccer 10 for the XBOX360 and browsed the new release dvds. When I emerged from the store 10 minutes later, she was still outside, still on the bench, still applying her lip gloss. Now this is the same Best Buy where I saw a van-load of individuals who were genetically rewarded with an extra chromosome on their day out to play the test version of Rock Band, so I would not be surprised if she was just left behind. Apologies for not including a picture, the one I took did not capture all the qualities that I would have liked it to.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

100% Whale Penis, Motherfucker!

What kinda penis are your Maybach's seats covered in? What? You got regular fuckin' cow leather, you broke ass bitch? Take a look at what I'm rollin' in:

   THE PROMBRON- Stalin's SUV of choice

1. Ruby Red matte paint
2. Gold-plated bulletproof windows
3. 22" Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
4. Whale Penis Leather interior
5. Tungsten exhaust
6. Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
7. White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges - grill, side and dashboard
8. Special edition Vertu mobile phone with "alert" button
9. Additional outside Kevlar coating
10. Rogue Acoustic Audio System.

 

These days, if you ain't got whale penis, then you ain't got shit.

via Jalopnik