CABC 2011: WEEK 14 PREVIEW

Maybe Rick Perry can help us save Community

I would gladly trade Romo for two first round picks

SERIOUSLY???????????????????????????????????????????
Al Davis dies, so you decide to continue his legacy as a crazy person by trading for this guy?
What is happening?



Also, can't wait to see Mike Sims-Walker tear it up in Denver. God Squad 2-Kay-Leven!

I HATE YOU RIGHT MEOW

You know what, GMF? If you could organize your team as well as you organize cats, you wouldn't have STARTED TROY SMITH AND LEFT ALEX SMITH ON THE BENCH WITH 34 POINTS. Thus losing to an anemic COCO team, thus losing ME my spot in the PLAYOFFS, thus denying ME CABC HISTORY.





I wish I had a Gibbons to throw at you right now.

November Caption Contest: Participation Mandatory

Following the loss of The Texas Rangers, and Cowboys, and Longhorns, I figured y'all could use something to get your mind on something else. Hopefully this might boost our readership in Alabama if I wish them luck this week against Ms Bigler's LSU Tigers. I think we are also missing republican demographic of girls 12-24, so I can throw in a picture for them and they can participate in the caption contest, too. So let's go gang, especially you up there in Ashburn, VA. Winner gets a roll of new gold presidential dollar coins ($20 cash value). Have fun!

I know it was you Mark. You broke my heart.

Everyone is free to participate in the poll be you from the Bay Area or, I dunno, the greater Washington DC Area.

Mike Tomlin Owes Me Cash Money

I think Mike Tomlin is a great coach. He's the kind of hard-nosed tough-guy that the Cowboys need to come in and run their organization. That is why I decided he would be the perfect coach for my team when I selected him at the beginning of the season. But it would seem that both the Steelers and the Lunchbox have had their fair share of difficulties this year. And who do I blame for these shortcomings? Mike Tomlin.

NFL Network Thursday Nights: Where Football Goes to Die

I do not know how many of you already read Tony Reali's weekly fantasy column, but it is something y'all should be on the lookout for the rest of the season.

Which is scarier: watching a Dolphins-Panthers game, or a Glenn Beck Christmas Special Fucktacular.

The damn Ruskies want to charge the working man more to make him forget his problems and those of his fellow countrymen.

Later boners, I'm going to go watch a little movie about a family of pointy-tooth bloodsuckers.

NOOOOO. Say it ain't sO-prah!

"Drama is like gay man Gatorade. It replenishes their electrolytes."

Week 5 Preview

Brooks (3-1, 112) at Barry (1-3, 116)
Matchup Resembles: Niners-Falcons
Barry has started the season against some mediocre teams who have had players who exploded for big games. This week he gets to go up against Brooks who will have to go without his top two defensive players, Darren Sharper and Charles Woodson.

Jeff (2-2, 91) at Shep (3-1, 86)
Matchup Resembles: Bengals-Ravens
After starting 2-0, Jeff has lost his last two games. The rest of the season will be different though because Jeff was so moved by the NFL's "Pink Appreciation Week" that he went out and bought himself a new pair of receivers' gloves. Perfect for snatching pans out of the oven or just accessorizing for a night on the town, sticky pink gloves make a great gift and an equally good band name.

Drew (1-3, 91) at Greg (2-2, 120.5)
Matchup Resembles: Lions-Steelers
Lassiter really needs Tom Brady to take the step from Average to Tom Brady if he hopes to move up from his position at the bottom of the league. Greg's point projection is higher than I would award since his two starting quarterbacks are on their bye weeks and Chris Johnson scoring 28 points against the Colts is unlikely.

Hill (1-3, 95) at Reed (4-0, 99.5)
Matchup Resembles: Raiders-Giants
On paper this matchup is much closer than it will actually turn out on Sunday. Hill continues to try every trick to try and improve his team including sending Jeff a check for $200 to try and get him to doctor the points. I would recommend everyone else do the same.

Stan (2-2, 106) at Mark (1-3, 92)
Matchup Resembles: Texans-Cards
Neither team is supposed to score very many points in this battle. But while Stan keeps Tony Romo on the bench until he can work his way out of the doghouse, Mark has resorted to attempting backroom deals with Barry and Jeff. If anyone is willing to put their starting QB on the line, Mark is looking to make a bet to see who has a lower level of total body fat.


Kurt Warner draws like a 4 year old

Taking all bets

Only this week's "Battle of the Bads" matchup of Barry and Beneke has been decided going into tonight's MNF Cowboys-Panthers game. Assuming Steve Smith doesn't have a 50 point night, Barry will take the W and start making his way up the NFC ladder.

Hill's lead over Greg has gone from 70 down to 25 and the Little Peg Leg Who Could has 4 players going tonight.

Jeffrey needs the fastest 40-year-old in the world to pull down 12 points to preserve his hopes at going undefeated this season.

A poor showing by Nick Folk could nullify last night's hard-fought battle between Reed and send the victory back to Brooks.

Though signs point to a Cunningham win, a 96 point Cowboys margin of victory quarterbacked by Jon Kitna would probably turn things back in Shepherd's direction.

What the fuck is home field advantage?

After reviewing the beautiful games this weekend (baha Marcus and Burry), I noticed Jeff won by "home field" advantage's +5pnt. WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT?

This is the internetz, not Ho Chi Minh City. I don't care where Stan is. I know he's not in Arizona. TRUMP CARD.