PHOENIX - A notice of claim has been filed against Maricopa County sheriff's detectives by a Phoenix man who claims humiliation, emotional distress and property damage from a high-profile raid on his property.
The raid last March included actor Steven Seagal , his reality-TV camera crew and Sheriff Joe Arpaio's deputies all there to investigate an alleged cockfighting operation at Jesus Sanchez Llovera's Laveen home."To make good TV for Steven Seagal," Llovera's attorney, Robert Campos said.
Llovera's claim seeks $25,000 from the sheriff's office and another $25,000 from Seagal."There was a show for Steven Seagal, and it just happened to be me," Llovera said through an interpreter.
Llovera also said deputies shot and killed an 11-month-old puppy on the property.
"That's a fabrication. That is just a bunch of crap," Chief Deputy David Trombi said.
The sheriff's office said the cockfighting case is pending, but said the raid was a legitimate law enforcement action.
"Whether he was there or wasn't there would not and did not change the way we executed that search warrant," Trombi said.
Llovera told ABC15 he would drop his suit against Seagal if the actor comes to the property to apologize to him and his children.
Read more: http://www.abc15.com/dpp/news/region_phoenix_metro/central_phoenix/phoenix-man-files-claim-against-sheriff's-office#ixzz1WiiE0G7A
Showing posts with label KWarner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label KWarner. Show all posts
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Steve Seagal Auditions for Role in Mike Vick Biopic
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
In this week's episode of Les Miles What-the-Fuckery...
This week Les Miles avoided being criticized for zany play calling or poor time management, but he still managed to wow us with his absurd behavior. But stupidity is not exclusive to Louisiana. We're pretty nuts up here in Arizona, too.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Week 3 Previews
Buehler (2-0) at Fellatio (0-2)
It was clear last week that the Arizona Cardinals were missing Kurt Warner on the field last Sunday as they were thumped by the Snelling led Atlanta Falcons. It also made me think back to a simpler time when this blog meant something. I used to poke fun at Kurt Warner week after week. Then he decides not to play catch with Larry Fitzgerald anymore and goes out and gets himself of Phil Mickelson model moobs. Now it’s all just cat balls and penis wines. Well fear not friends! Kurt Warner is back and he’s bringing his messianic moves with him. I’m sure most of you all already caught his debut performance this past week on DWTS, but here it is for those of you who missed it.
It was clear last week that the Arizona Cardinals were missing Kurt Warner on the field last Sunday as they were thumped by the Snelling led Atlanta Falcons. It also made me think back to a simpler time when this blog meant something. I used to poke fun at Kurt Warner week after week. Then he decides not to play catch with Larry Fitzgerald anymore and goes out and gets himself of Phil Mickelson model moobs. Now it’s all just cat balls and penis wines. Well fear not friends! Kurt Warner is back and he’s bringing his messianic moves with him. I’m sure most of you all already caught his debut performance this past week on DWTS, but here it is for those of you who missed it.
Tayne (2-0) at TOTO (1-1)
“Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.”
“Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.”
Celery Men (2-0) at COCO (0-2)
The Celery Hombres could face decreased production from Tim Hightower this week as Beanie Wells is expected to return and take some of the carries against Oakland. ADL has been quietly watching the waiver wire as his team sits at 0-2. Goddammit, this GIF is making me dizzy. Is there any way to turn this damn thing off? MAKE IT STOP. It’s like meatspin, but shinier.
The Celery Hombres could face decreased production from Tim Hightower this week as Beanie Wells is expected to return and take some of the carries against Oakland. ADL has been quietly watching the waiver wire as his team sits at 0-2. Goddammit, this GIF is making me dizzy. Is there any way to turn this damn thing off? MAKE IT STOP. It’s like meatspin, but shinier.
NomNomNom (1-1) at Assholes (2-0)
Ndamukong means “House of Spears” in Camaroonese. Bernard translates to “Get your weak ass defense out of here, white boy” in Spanish. These two offenses match up pretty evenly this week with Favre facing the Lions and McNabb playing the Rams. On the other side of the ball, SKR boasts Haloti Ngata, the fifth highest ranked D-Tackle! BEN has everyone else—Suh, Adrian Wilson, Polamalu, and LaMarr Woodley. Nerdwell wins by a country mile. That’s not a race joke.
Ndamukong means “House of Spears” in Camaroonese. Bernard translates to “Get your weak ass defense out of here, white boy” in Spanish. These two offenses match up pretty evenly this week with Favre facing the Lions and McNabb playing the Rams. On the other side of the ball, SKR boasts Haloti Ngata, the fifth highest ranked D-Tackle! BEN has everyone else—Suh, Adrian Wilson, Polamalu, and LaMarr Woodley. Nerdwell wins by a country mile. That’s not a race joke.
DPDM (0-2) at Syndrome (0-2)
The marquee matchup of the week will likely be decided before Faith Hill starts singing on Sunday night. One of these winless teams will suck just a little less by the end of this game. It has been a long week for The Syndrome, switching out players via waivers and learning that Safety Tanard Jackson will be suspended until next season following his fourth failed drug test. It should have been expected though, because had the Syndrome’s GM done his research, he would have seen in Jackson’s medical history that he has a chronic case of Josh Howard Face.
The marquee matchup of the week will likely be decided before Faith Hill starts singing on Sunday night. One of these winless teams will suck just a little less by the end of this game. It has been a long week for The Syndrome, switching out players via waivers and learning that Safety Tanard Jackson will be suspended until next season following his fourth failed drug test. It should have been expected though, because had the Syndrome’s GM done his research, he would have seen in Jackson’s medical history that he has a chronic case of Josh Howard Face.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
As a matter of fact, I am depressed
Two Weeks, Two Losses.
Flacco lobbed up 4 INTs. I don't know if that's how the Deleware Blue Hens do things down in Division 1AA, but this is the NFL and you're supposed to bring it on Sundays. Hey Flacco, Bruce Gradkowski had a better game than you. Moving down the box score, I had another Wide Receiver give me a bagel. Somehow Devin Aromashodu, despite having no impact on the outcome of the Cowboys game, is the Chicago Bear I am most angry with this week.
So what should I do now? Do I freak out and pull the trigger on some lopsided trades? Scan the waiver wire for the next player poised for a breakout performance? Take one for the team and kamikaze Roy Williams' house? All of the above, but not necessarily in that order.
First, I have to take a little time for myself. It's times like this I remember that Kurt Warner used to be a grocery stockboy. If that were me, I would have blown my brains out. Then he was a quarterback in the arena league. Again, I would have killed myself, but I probably would have asphyxiated in the Kia I bought with my signing bonus. But look where he is now. Dancing With The Stars. With Bristol Palin, I'd still kill myself.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Week 12 Review
Shep def. Brooks (201.5-165.5)
Darren Sharper got another interception. Seriously this guy has to be some super secret Air Force experiment that they let loose into society to see what would happen. He could be an entire episode of Fringe. Peyton Manning once again saved The Colts by destroying the Texans and Charles Woodson put on a clinic against Detroit on Thursday. Dude must've eaten an entire turkey when he got home after grabbing a sack, a fumble and two interceptions, taking back one for six points. These performances were good, but not quite good enough to take down a revived Robinson team. After dropping his past few games, Shepherd decided to hope for a Thanksgiving miracle and set his team's success on the broad shoulders of Antonio Gates. 7 catches for 118 yards and 2 TDs breathed new life into the Broken Prydz. Good job, Taco, err-Shep.
Stan def. Hill (149.5-121)
The Trade Deadline came and went without any activity. I blame this entirely on Stan. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a nice guy, but he's impossible to trade with, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Dude, I asked for Trent Cole, not Jared Allen. There isn't a player on your team I would give up my entire defense for. I offered what I thought was fair value: 2 guys named Bell and a Star Trek DVD. If you're too cool to hang out with Uhura and Bones, then you have fun up there on your high horse. Hill welcome back to America. We play 16 games in our league, next year I suggest you show up Week 1.
Y'all think he's a Democrat?
Greg def. Reed (180-138.5)
It's been a rough couple of weeks for Reed. USC throws away their title chances, Ireland gets screwed by Thierry Henry and Saskatchewan loses a heartbreaker in the Grey Cup.
Matt Ryan and Mike Turner balanced each other out this week, and zero points out of his best players is a rough way to get through a game. I don't think it really made a difference in the end. Chris Johnson is playing out of someone's mind. I'm glad that Miles Austin is playing well again and I really wish Reed the best, but damn...he's playing like the _________ (insert recent Superbowl winning team here) right now.
Jeff def. Drew (218-107)
So, how 'bout that Bulger guy? Pretty good, huh? Yeah? After losing our first meeting by half a point, it was nice to torch Drew and score the most points of the season. I think this video clip sums up the way DL played this game.
Mark def. Barry (153-148.5)
At 10:18 last night I was left speechless. Mark sent me a text message freaking out because Darren Sharper picked off Tom Brady in the 4th quarter of the Monday Night Football game. He thought that after holding off Barry for 1,070 fantasy minutes, it was all over. However, I didn't know which was more shocking- Mark actually watching MNF or Mark not knowing that Darren Sharper and Roman Harper are two different players. Mark has been impressive the past 6 weeks, but the NFC playoff picture is still hazy. Look for Barry to use his final FA pickup tonight as he attempts to lock up his spot in the postseason.
I heart VY
Darren Sharper got another interception. Seriously this guy has to be some super secret Air Force experiment that they let loose into society to see what would happen. He could be an entire episode of Fringe. Peyton Manning once again saved The Colts by destroying the Texans and Charles Woodson put on a clinic against Detroit on Thursday. Dude must've eaten an entire turkey when he got home after grabbing a sack, a fumble and two interceptions, taking back one for six points. These performances were good, but not quite good enough to take down a revived Robinson team. After dropping his past few games, Shepherd decided to hope for a Thanksgiving miracle and set his team's success on the broad shoulders of Antonio Gates. 7 catches for 118 yards and 2 TDs breathed new life into the Broken Prydz. Good job, Taco, err-Shep.
Stan def. Hill (149.5-121)
The Trade Deadline came and went without any activity. I blame this entirely on Stan. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a nice guy, but he's impossible to trade with, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Dude, I asked for Trent Cole, not Jared Allen. There isn't a player on your team I would give up my entire defense for. I offered what I thought was fair value: 2 guys named Bell and a Star Trek DVD. If you're too cool to hang out with Uhura and Bones, then you have fun up there on your high horse. Hill welcome back to America. We play 16 games in our league, next year I suggest you show up Week 1.
Y'all think he's a Democrat?Greg def. Reed (180-138.5)
It's been a rough couple of weeks for Reed. USC throws away their title chances, Ireland gets screwed by Thierry Henry and Saskatchewan loses a heartbreaker in the Grey Cup.
Matt Ryan and Mike Turner balanced each other out this week, and zero points out of his best players is a rough way to get through a game. I don't think it really made a difference in the end. Chris Johnson is playing out of someone's mind. I'm glad that Miles Austin is playing well again and I really wish Reed the best, but damn...he's playing like the _________ (insert recent Superbowl winning team here) right now.
Jeff def. Drew (218-107)
So, how 'bout that Bulger guy? Pretty good, huh? Yeah? After losing our first meeting by half a point, it was nice to torch Drew and score the most points of the season. I think this video clip sums up the way DL played this game.
Mark def. Barry (153-148.5)
At 10:18 last night I was left speechless. Mark sent me a text message freaking out because Darren Sharper picked off Tom Brady in the 4th quarter of the Monday Night Football game. He thought that after holding off Barry for 1,070 fantasy minutes, it was all over. However, I didn't know which was more shocking- Mark actually watching MNF or Mark not knowing that Darren Sharper and Roman Harper are two different players. Mark has been impressive the past 6 weeks, but the NFC playoff picture is still hazy. Look for Barry to use his final FA pickup tonight as he attempts to lock up his spot in the postseason.
I heart VY
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Week 11 Preview
Barry (215) at Jeff (170)
Following his David-esque performance against Reed last week, Jeff made a deal to strengthen his receiving corps and Defensive front. However he did not anticipate Barry swapping star WRs in order to get the Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson double-dip. This tandem is like the DQ Chocolate dipped cake cone to go along with his Waffle Bowl and Bad Attitude Sundae that is Kurt Warner and Anquan Boldin. While the projection has Barry nuking Jeffrey out of the water, this matchup with likely prove to be closer than expected.
Drew (157) at Hill (163)
This game is a joke. It's almost as funny as the Mr. McGibblets song and dance. "Tickle me, and rub my belly. Tickle me, and rub my belly." [Video to follow]
Greg (182) at Shep (177)
Still in a downward spiral following his name change, it is hard to believe that Shep has not selected a new moniker for his team that will get them back on the right page. Something dignified like "Dr Pepper's Lonely Parts, Right Hand" or "Kentucky Deluxe, Wild Turkey, and Old Perot." Unfortunately we are still stuck with a picture of a woman's ass that we've all seen and a name that is over my head.
It would seem that Greg sees me as a more of a role model than I knew. I have now spent more semesters out of school than I have actually in class, and I am filled with a great sense of pride that my younger brother is following in my footsteps. Now Greg's extended summer vacation is finally winding down. He's had a lot of time to relax and reflect while at home this fall. Even though his injury was caused by working out, I think he has actually enjoyed his time in physical therapy. The Fijolek's have always had an entrepreneurial spirit dating back to the days of the family spaghetti factory in Chicago and our sock emporium, Something's A Foot. Greg and I have developed a business plan to open a chain of Fijolek Brothers BBQ-ram Yoga Centers. Instead of raising the temperature to a sweat inducing level, Greg will serve the customers barbecue until they begin suffering from the meat sweats at which point they will begin their yoga workouts.
Fijolek Brother's BBQ-ram Yoga - Home of the Matterdog
Mark (172) at Reed (145)
As Mark ventured out of the house for the first time in months to finally join the corporate world, Reed likely locked himself in his bathroom and cried the week away. Cheer up Reed, things could be worse. You could be Mark Mangino, Charlie Weis or Kurt Warner.
Stan (170) at Brooks (177)
Sir Brooks of Greenbrier faced a dilemma earlier this week with his powerback, Lord Ronnie Brown of Dolphinshire, went down for the season with a knee injury. Brooks immediately went into action, scouring over his opponents' rosters with a fine tooth comb, looking for a new RB. He now wishes that he could've made a deal with his week 11 rival to pickup Ricky Williams who picked up the slack in Brown's absence and scored 39 points for Stanley.
Following his David-esque performance against Reed last week, Jeff made a deal to strengthen his receiving corps and Defensive front. However he did not anticipate Barry swapping star WRs in order to get the Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson double-dip. This tandem is like the DQ Chocolate dipped cake cone to go along with his Waffle Bowl and Bad Attitude Sundae that is Kurt Warner and Anquan Boldin. While the projection has Barry nuking Jeffrey out of the water, this matchup with likely prove to be closer than expected.
Drew (157) at Hill (163)
This game is a joke. It's almost as funny as the Mr. McGibblets song and dance. "Tickle me, and rub my belly. Tickle me, and rub my belly." [Video to follow]
Greg (182) at Shep (177)
Still in a downward spiral following his name change, it is hard to believe that Shep has not selected a new moniker for his team that will get them back on the right page. Something dignified like "Dr Pepper's Lonely Parts, Right Hand" or "Kentucky Deluxe, Wild Turkey, and Old Perot." Unfortunately we are still stuck with a picture of a woman's ass that we've all seen and a name that is over my head.
It would seem that Greg sees me as a more of a role model than I knew. I have now spent more semesters out of school than I have actually in class, and I am filled with a great sense of pride that my younger brother is following in my footsteps. Now Greg's extended summer vacation is finally winding down. He's had a lot of time to relax and reflect while at home this fall. Even though his injury was caused by working out, I think he has actually enjoyed his time in physical therapy. The Fijolek's have always had an entrepreneurial spirit dating back to the days of the family spaghetti factory in Chicago and our sock emporium, Something's A Foot. Greg and I have developed a business plan to open a chain of Fijolek Brothers BBQ-ram Yoga Centers. Instead of raising the temperature to a sweat inducing level, Greg will serve the customers barbecue until they begin suffering from the meat sweats at which point they will begin their yoga workouts.
Fijolek Brother's BBQ-ram Yoga - Home of the MatterdogMark (172) at Reed (145)
As Mark ventured out of the house for the first time in months to finally join the corporate world, Reed likely locked himself in his bathroom and cried the week away. Cheer up Reed, things could be worse. You could be Mark Mangino, Charlie Weis or Kurt Warner.
Stan (170) at Brooks (177)
Sir Brooks of Greenbrier faced a dilemma earlier this week with his powerback, Lord Ronnie Brown of Dolphinshire, went down for the season with a knee injury. Brooks immediately went into action, scouring over his opponents' rosters with a fine tooth comb, looking for a new RB. He now wishes that he could've made a deal with his week 11 rival to pickup Ricky Williams who picked up the slack in Brown's absence and scored 39 points for Stanley.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The King is dead, long live the King [subtitle: Week 10 Review]
Greg def. Stan
If there's one person Stan hates more than Greg right now, it's Chris Johnson. In their week 4 match-up, Johnson only tallied 13 points and Greg still won the game. This week his 45.5 points made up for the rest of G's anemic offense, sending Stan to the bottom of the AFC.
Brenda Warner looks like mannequin from hell
Brooks def. Hill
Aside from the Cowboys' slip-up, it truly was a perfect weekend for Brooks. Donovan McNabb threw for 450 yards and the Eagles still managed to lose the game. In the end it was another embarrassing week for Hill. Despite Carson Palmer and Ryan Grant winning clutch games, but their performances were just bad when you look at the big picture.
Mark def. Shep
Since overestimating his level of creativity and changing his team name, Shepherd has dropped four straight games and fallen from the top of the AFC to an uncomfortable 3rd. No doubt cold and lonely, Shepherd coulda, woulda, shoulda pressed submit when altering his roster earlier this weekend. Now it appears that he may finish out of the money, an unfortunate turn of events for this recent Horned Frogs superfan who is hoping to follow his team to a BCS Bowl come January.
Mark's recent success can only be attributed to one thing: New Diet Extra Extreme Vanilla Muscle Milk Grape Wave Fever Crush, now with extra Diet. After a weak start to the season, Mark has established himself as a player in the NFC playoff race.
Jeff def. Reed
Well, well, well. Up until now Reed has dominated the league. This noob took the league by storm. I remember the season projections that our commissioner calculated many fortnights ago valued Double-Rs team at the bottom of the league, but Cedric Benson, Reggie Wayne and an undrafted sensation from Monmouth helped him establish the longest win streak to start a season in CABC history. And while I take pride and pleasure in my slaying of this dragon, I know that this small bump in the road will probably just make the beast more angry. I pity those who must face this great animal in coming weeks and any of his playoff foes. Allow us to take a moment and remember the awemazing 9-0 start from the team that is still number one in our hearts, Mark's First Attempt At This.
[Edit]
Barry def. Drew
Bernard T. Nerdw_ll felt left out when I did not include his victory over Drew in this review. He wanted to know if it was because he was black. No Barry I did not leave you out because you're black. I am posting this because you are though.
If there's one person Stan hates more than Greg right now, it's Chris Johnson. In their week 4 match-up, Johnson only tallied 13 points and Greg still won the game. This week his 45.5 points made up for the rest of G's anemic offense, sending Stan to the bottom of the AFC.
Brenda Warner looks like mannequin from hell
Brooks def. Hill
Aside from the Cowboys' slip-up, it truly was a perfect weekend for Brooks. Donovan McNabb threw for 450 yards and the Eagles still managed to lose the game. In the end it was another embarrassing week for Hill. Despite Carson Palmer and Ryan Grant winning clutch games, but their performances were just bad when you look at the big picture.
Mark def. Shep
Since overestimating his level of creativity and changing his team name, Shepherd has dropped four straight games and fallen from the top of the AFC to an uncomfortable 3rd. No doubt cold and lonely, Shepherd coulda, woulda, shoulda pressed submit when altering his roster earlier this weekend. Now it appears that he may finish out of the money, an unfortunate turn of events for this recent Horned Frogs superfan who is hoping to follow his team to a BCS Bowl come January.
Mark's recent success can only be attributed to one thing: New Diet Extra Extreme Vanilla Muscle Milk Grape Wave Fever Crush, now with extra Diet. After a weak start to the season, Mark has established himself as a player in the NFC playoff race.
Jeff def. Reed
Well, well, well. Up until now Reed has dominated the league. This noob took the league by storm. I remember the season projections that our commissioner calculated many fortnights ago valued Double-Rs team at the bottom of the league, but Cedric Benson, Reggie Wayne and an undrafted sensation from Monmouth helped him establish the longest win streak to start a season in CABC history. And while I take pride and pleasure in my slaying of this dragon, I know that this small bump in the road will probably just make the beast more angry. I pity those who must face this great animal in coming weeks and any of his playoff foes. Allow us to take a moment and remember the awemazing 9-0 start from the team that is still number one in our hearts, Mark's First Attempt At This.
[Edit]
Barry def. Drew
Bernard T. Nerdw_ll felt left out when I did not include his victory over Drew in this review. He wanted to know if it was because he was black. No Barry I did not leave you out because you're black. I am posting this because you are though.
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Sunday, November 8, 2009
Week 9 Preview
Brooks (180) at Stan (123)
This is a game with huge AFC playoff implications. With both teams tied at 4-4, the winner of this game will likely take the top stop at the end of this week. These guys are usually great about filling me in on the action when I am unable to watch a game, but I will ask everyone to refrain from discussing anything about the Cowboys-Eagles primetime matchup tonight. I will be down in Tucson for the evening, but I will watch every minute of the game when I return home. Thanks for your understanding.
Reed (168) at Shep (128)
Tall and Thin vs Tall and used to be Thin. Reed wins and continues his league domination. Shepherd cries.
Greg (186) at Mark (161)
This matchup features two hot teams with season saving wins the past couple of weeks. Greg is still in the playoff hunt in the AFC and Mark is looking to play spoiler for his NFC rivals. While The Greg is favored in this matchup, his team has been horrible on the road this season and Marky Mark could pick up another victory today and continue his rise from the bottom.
Jeff (181) at Barry (156)
All eyes will be on this light-heavyweight bout this weekend. With the top playoff spot in the NFC likely reserved for RR, these two competitors are fighting for a spot to play for the cash. Jeff is lucky enough to play his road game against Barry with Adrian Peterson sitting out for the week. With this rematch coming in Week 11, there is sure to be bad blood stemming from the outcome of this weekends game.
Hill (160) at Drew (182)
The two worst teams in the league. This essentially is the play-in game for the NCAA tournament. Yeah, you have to play it, but there's no chance that the victor poses a threat to win another game.
This is a game with huge AFC playoff implications. With both teams tied at 4-4, the winner of this game will likely take the top stop at the end of this week. These guys are usually great about filling me in on the action when I am unable to watch a game, but I will ask everyone to refrain from discussing anything about the Cowboys-Eagles primetime matchup tonight. I will be down in Tucson for the evening, but I will watch every minute of the game when I return home. Thanks for your understanding.
Reed (168) at Shep (128)
Tall and Thin vs Tall and used to be Thin. Reed wins and continues his league domination. Shepherd cries.
Greg (186) at Mark (161)
This matchup features two hot teams with season saving wins the past couple of weeks. Greg is still in the playoff hunt in the AFC and Mark is looking to play spoiler for his NFC rivals. While The Greg is favored in this matchup, his team has been horrible on the road this season and Marky Mark could pick up another victory today and continue his rise from the bottom.
Jeff (181) at Barry (156)
All eyes will be on this light-heavyweight bout this weekend. With the top playoff spot in the NFC likely reserved for RR, these two competitors are fighting for a spot to play for the cash. Jeff is lucky enough to play his road game against Barry with Adrian Peterson sitting out for the week. With this rematch coming in Week 11, there is sure to be bad blood stemming from the outcome of this weekends game.
Hill (160) at Drew (182)
The two worst teams in the league. This essentially is the play-in game for the NCAA tournament. Yeah, you have to play it, but there's no chance that the victor poses a threat to win another game.
Humanitarianism is gay
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Week 8 Preview: Last Minute Edition
Brooks (4-3, 161.5) at Greg (3-4, 125)
Barry (3-4, 169) at Drew (3-4, 133)
Brooks hopes to create more separation between the teams in the AFC, but with Greg's two QBs going up against weak defenses, this game stands to be much closer than expected. Barry and Drew will duke it out to try and get an edge on the second place spot in NFC.
Reed (7-0, 171) at Jeff (3-4, 172.5)
Well, well, well. So it's come down to this. Reed remains the only unbeaten team in the league, but after taking a look at his lineup, I truly believe that he will finally fall this week. With his workhorse Benson on a bye week, The Double R has been forced to play both LT and Tiny Darren. No matter what scores are recorded today, this game is going to come down to the Monday Night matchup between Reed's tandem of Ryan and Turner against Jeff and Drew Brees.
Mark (2-5, 176) at Shep (5-2, 120.5)
Having used up all of his waiver pickups, Mark might have finally gotten the hang of this whole football thing. He's learned the difference between the penalty box and a technical foul and now he's poised to make his comeback. Waiting until the last minute to pick up a quarterback, Shepherd ended up going with former Mountain-West Superstar Alex Smith. I don't think it's a bad pickup, in my opinion it didn't matter what 4th string QB he chose. Mark is going to go all Tom Cable on Shep.
[Edit- Just received this message from Mark: "Can I tell you my biggest fear? If I woke up as a donut I would totally eat myself. I wouldnt even question it." I'm beginning to rethink the complimentary statements I just made about him.]
Stan (4-3, 151) at Hill (1-6, 140)
Last week was the NFL's international game, and this week is ours. Stan travels to India to take on Hill. Two of Stan's three losses have come when he has played non-conference games against Reed and Jeff, teams that call the Pacific Time Zone home (PHX returns to Mountain time today). So Stan has a team that does not travel well and Hill has a team that really doesn't do anything well.
Barry (3-4, 169) at Drew (3-4, 133)
Brooks hopes to create more separation between the teams in the AFC, but with Greg's two QBs going up against weak defenses, this game stands to be much closer than expected. Barry and Drew will duke it out to try and get an edge on the second place spot in NFC.
Reed (7-0, 171) at Jeff (3-4, 172.5)
Well, well, well. So it's come down to this. Reed remains the only unbeaten team in the league, but after taking a look at his lineup, I truly believe that he will finally fall this week. With his workhorse Benson on a bye week, The Double R has been forced to play both LT and Tiny Darren. No matter what scores are recorded today, this game is going to come down to the Monday Night matchup between Reed's tandem of Ryan and Turner against Jeff and Drew Brees.
Mark (2-5, 176) at Shep (5-2, 120.5)
Having used up all of his waiver pickups, Mark might have finally gotten the hang of this whole football thing. He's learned the difference between the penalty box and a technical foul and now he's poised to make his comeback. Waiting until the last minute to pick up a quarterback, Shepherd ended up going with former Mountain-West Superstar Alex Smith. I don't think it's a bad pickup, in my opinion it didn't matter what 4th string QB he chose. Mark is going to go all Tom Cable on Shep.
[Edit- Just received this message from Mark: "Can I tell you my biggest fear? If I woke up as a donut I would totally eat myself. I wouldnt even question it." I'm beginning to rethink the complimentary statements I just made about him.]
Stan (4-3, 151) at Hill (1-6, 140)
Last week was the NFL's international game, and this week is ours. Stan travels to India to take on Hill. Two of Stan's three losses have come when he has played non-conference games against Reed and Jeff, teams that call the Pacific Time Zone home (PHX returns to Mountain time today). So Stan has a team that does not travel well and Hill has a team that really doesn't do anything well.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Week 7 Preview
Jeff (3-3, 117) at Mark (1-5, 90)
Just when I think Mark doesn't actually care about fantasy because his season is over, he makes some free agent moves and agrees to a trade with Barry. Now it's safe to assume that Barry knows a little more about football than Mark does. Hell Mark doesn't even know what channel ESPN is on his DirecTV (206), but when I woke up to an accepted trade review, I couldn't help but feel a little proud for MMB for holding his own against the Big Bad Wolf and making what I feel to be a decent trade. Will these moves give Mark a chance to beat me this week? Ha.
Edit: Mark is at 14 waiver pickups. I repeat, Mark is at 14 waiver pickups and he still has not cut Kerry Collins.
Brooks (3-3, 123) at Hill (1-5, 51.5)
Last week Hill cried foul to everyone in the league who would listen (Greg, Reed - I assume he didn't have y'alls numbers, lucky bastards). He said that he lost his game last week because of the five point homefield advantage that has been a part of this league since its inception. Funny, I thought he lost because he has a roster of shitty players. We've all been in the same situation before and we've all dealt with it. Face it Hill, you went up against Tom Brady and lost. You're Bridget Moynahan's birth control.
Shep (5-1, 104) at Greg (2-4, 74.5)
Shepherd has taken a two game lead in the AFC despite playing in some of the lowest scoring games all season. On top of that, he decided to change his team name midseason. This could have been a prank played by an angry league manager who lost to Shep last week, but I still expect something a little more creative from both of them. Greg is phoning it in this week. He's known for weeks that this game would be an L because of injuries plaguing his team and the inability to start players at all offensive positions. And he's in New York and we don't have the internet at the apartment...
Drew (3-3, 88.5) at Reed (6-0, 116.5)
This game has been dubbed by many (read Jeff and Reed) as The Bye-Week Brawl. Reed doesn't have any defensive players to begin with and the few on Drew's roster all have the week off. Reed made a gutsy move picking up Miles Austin during the bye week, but that looks like it might pay off as he replaces Patrick Crayton in the Cowboys' starting lineup. He also picked up Michael Crabtree, a player that I don't see outperforming Reggie Wayne, Steve Breaston, or Bruce Leroy to make it into Reed's starting lineup.
"I complain better than I catch"
Barry (3-3, 97.5) at Stan (3-3, 139)
I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with Stan and his cousin, Nora. The two of them had a great time going to the fair: melting the butter sculpture with their loving stares, touching knees on the Caterpillar roller-coaster, waiting in line for matching shirts with their names airbrushed on them. I don't know if they're related on his mom's or dad's side, but those two displayed a familial bond that you just don't see that often these days.
Barry presented me with exciting news last night. He and I have a running contest to determine who can spot more/better celebrities around town. While informing me of his stellar spots last night, he let slip a little secret. Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you all to the TMI Theatre....
Let's get something straight. I like making fun of Jesus, but I love making fun of Kurt Warner. What gives old man? Is it milk or the holy ghost that gives you your gunslinging abilities?
Just when I think Mark doesn't actually care about fantasy because his season is over, he makes some free agent moves and agrees to a trade with Barry. Now it's safe to assume that Barry knows a little more about football than Mark does. Hell Mark doesn't even know what channel ESPN is on his DirecTV (206), but when I woke up to an accepted trade review, I couldn't help but feel a little proud for MMB for holding his own against the Big Bad Wolf and making what I feel to be a decent trade. Will these moves give Mark a chance to beat me this week? Ha.
Edit: Mark is at 14 waiver pickups. I repeat, Mark is at 14 waiver pickups and he still has not cut Kerry Collins.
Brooks (3-3, 123) at Hill (1-5, 51.5)
Last week Hill cried foul to everyone in the league who would listen (Greg, Reed - I assume he didn't have y'alls numbers, lucky bastards). He said that he lost his game last week because of the five point homefield advantage that has been a part of this league since its inception. Funny, I thought he lost because he has a roster of shitty players. We've all been in the same situation before and we've all dealt with it. Face it Hill, you went up against Tom Brady and lost. You're Bridget Moynahan's birth control.
Shep (5-1, 104) at Greg (2-4, 74.5)Shepherd has taken a two game lead in the AFC despite playing in some of the lowest scoring games all season. On top of that, he decided to change his team name midseason. This could have been a prank played by an angry league manager who lost to Shep last week, but I still expect something a little more creative from both of them. Greg is phoning it in this week. He's known for weeks that this game would be an L because of injuries plaguing his team and the inability to start players at all offensive positions. And he's in New York and we don't have the internet at the apartment...
Drew (3-3, 88.5) at Reed (6-0, 116.5)
This game has been dubbed by many (read Jeff and Reed) as The Bye-Week Brawl. Reed doesn't have any defensive players to begin with and the few on Drew's roster all have the week off. Reed made a gutsy move picking up Miles Austin during the bye week, but that looks like it might pay off as he replaces Patrick Crayton in the Cowboys' starting lineup. He also picked up Michael Crabtree, a player that I don't see outperforming Reggie Wayne, Steve Breaston, or Bruce Leroy to make it into Reed's starting lineup.
"I complain better than I catch"I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with Stan and his cousin, Nora. The two of them had a great time going to the fair: melting the butter sculpture with their loving stares, touching knees on the Caterpillar roller-coaster, waiting in line for matching shirts with their names airbrushed on them. I don't know if they're related on his mom's or dad's side, but those two displayed a familial bond that you just don't see that often these days.
Barry presented me with exciting news last night. He and I have a running contest to determine who can spot more/better celebrities around town. While informing me of his stellar spots last night, he let slip a little secret. Ladies and Gentlemen, I welcome you all to the TMI Theatre....
__Scene One__Did number 9 acknowledge his true lover? Has Barry finally revealed his deepest, darkest secret? Did Rhonda order the Escalope Cordon Azul or the Pollo Ahumado? Stay tuned for the next episode of TMI Theatre.
BN: Troy at Javier's
BN: Modano as well
JF: I knew there had to be another one
BN: Mike is sitting behind me with this girl and some group and Troy is with the fam right in roby [sic] of me
BN: Isn't mike married to willa ford?
JF: yes he is
BN: She's next to us as well. I thought I remembered he was married to me.....
BN: Married to her
JF: right...
BN: Kill yourself
__End Scene__
Let's get something straight. I like making fun of Jesus, but I love making fun of Kurt Warner. What gives old man? Is it milk or the holy ghost that gives you your gunslinging abilities?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Week 5 Preview
Brooks (3-1, 112) at Barry (1-3, 116)
Matchup Resembles: Niners-Falcons
Barry has started the season against some mediocre teams who have had players who exploded for big games. This week he gets to go up against Brooks who will have to go without his top two defensive players, Darren Sharper and Charles Woodson.
Jeff (2-2, 91) at Shep (3-1, 86)
Matchup Resembles: Bengals-Ravens
After starting 2-0, Jeff has lost his last two games. The rest of the season will be different though because Jeff was so moved by the NFL's "Pink Appreciation Week" that he went out and bought himself a new pair of receivers' gloves. Perfect for snatching pans out of the oven or just accessorizing for a night on the town, sticky pink gloves make a great gift and an equally good band name.
Drew (1-3, 91) at Greg (2-2, 120.5)
Matchup Resembles: Lions-Steelers
Lassiter really needs Tom Brady to take the step from Average to Tom Brady if he hopes to move up from his position at the bottom of the league. Greg's point projection is higher than I would award since his two starting quarterbacks are on their bye weeks and Chris Johnson scoring 28 points against the Colts is unlikely.
Hill (1-3, 95) at Reed (4-0, 99.5)
Matchup Resembles: Raiders-Giants
On paper this matchup is much closer than it will actually turn out on Sunday. Hill continues to try every trick to try and improve his team including sending Jeff a check for $200 to try and get him to doctor the points. I would recommend everyone else do the same.
Stan (2-2, 106) at Mark (1-3, 92)
Matchup Resembles: Texans-Cards
Neither team is supposed to score very many points in this battle. But while Stan keeps Tony Romo on the bench until he can work his way out of the doghouse, Mark has resorted to attempting backroom deals with Barry and Jeff. If anyone is willing to put their starting QB on the line, Mark is looking to make a bet to see who has a lower level of total body fat.
Kurt Warner draws like a 4 year old
Matchup Resembles: Niners-Falcons
Barry has started the season against some mediocre teams who have had players who exploded for big games. This week he gets to go up against Brooks who will have to go without his top two defensive players, Darren Sharper and Charles Woodson.
Jeff (2-2, 91) at Shep (3-1, 86)
Matchup Resembles: Bengals-Ravens
After starting 2-0, Jeff has lost his last two games. The rest of the season will be different though because Jeff was so moved by the NFL's "Pink Appreciation Week" that he went out and bought himself a new pair of receivers' gloves. Perfect for snatching pans out of the oven or just accessorizing for a night on the town, sticky pink gloves make a great gift and an equally good band name.
Drew (1-3, 91) at Greg (2-2, 120.5)
Matchup Resembles: Lions-Steelers
Lassiter really needs Tom Brady to take the step from Average to Tom Brady if he hopes to move up from his position at the bottom of the league. Greg's point projection is higher than I would award since his two starting quarterbacks are on their bye weeks and Chris Johnson scoring 28 points against the Colts is unlikely.
Hill (1-3, 95) at Reed (4-0, 99.5)
Matchup Resembles: Raiders-Giants
On paper this matchup is much closer than it will actually turn out on Sunday. Hill continues to try every trick to try and improve his team including sending Jeff a check for $200 to try and get him to doctor the points. I would recommend everyone else do the same.
Stan (2-2, 106) at Mark (1-3, 92)
Matchup Resembles: Texans-Cards
Neither team is supposed to score very many points in this battle. But while Stan keeps Tony Romo on the bench until he can work his way out of the doghouse, Mark has resorted to attempting backroom deals with Barry and Jeff. If anyone is willing to put their starting QB on the line, Mark is looking to make a bet to see who has a lower level of total body fat.
Kurt Warner draws like a 4 year old
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Week 3 Preview
Reed (95) at Brooks (135)
Here lies Alexander Robert Brooks who passed just days after his 23rd birthday after attending the Dallas Cowboys' opening game at their new stadium, a loss to the New York Football Giants. Downing round after round of Crown and Cokes purchased for him by sketchy Mexican "businessmen," Brooks left the game in a funk. He passed a large black gentleman and was suddenly overcome by the urge to give him a bear hug. And that is the story about the day Larry Allen ate Alex Brooks.
On the opposite end of the spectrum from Mark and Barry is this battle of the unbeatens featuring Reed and Brooks. Following his last minute victory over Mark, Reed well need Fred Jackson to fall short of his 33 projected points in order to defeat Brooks.
Jeff (114) at Drew (89.5)
Despite a monster game from Frank Gore, Drew has not been able to come away with a win yet. The fact that his Defense is more beat up than a bunch of hemophiliac tweens trying to get to the front row of a Jonas Brothers concert means Tom Brady will need step up and lead his Offense to victory.
Fantasy football is like Training Day. I'm the naive little white guy and Barry is the black sensei. He taught me everything I know, and then I threw him to the Russians. In the end, Barry is going to tank his season, blame it on me, and win the Oscar. I bet he wants to bang Macy Gray, too.
Shepherd (113.5) at Stan (115)
Stan is in for another close game this week against Shepherd. Shep's victories have come against weak opponents, so this matchup is sure to bring him down a peg.
This is becoming a serious problem because it is week 3 and I still can't think of stuff to make fun of Stan about. Please forgive me and accept this clip from the funniest show on television as a stand in for me.
Greg (107.5) at Hill (93.5)
I'm a Google guy. I tried using bing, but when I did a search for "worst fantasy team ever," Hill's Butkus didn't show up. Now I'm convinced that Hill doesn't really care about this league which makes facing off against him like having a bye week. Congratulations Greg, Bye!
Mark (117) at Barry (98)
Week three will usher in a new era as one of these winless teams will finally be able to tally a victory and leave the other in an even deeper hole. Barry controls a team that has not reached its potential because of injuries while Mark's roster does not brag many top 20 performers other than Vincent Jackson and Tony Gonzalez. In fact, Mark knows that his team is weak. He made me an interesting offer earlier suggesting that we wager our players on a game of NCAA10. I declined because it would be like trading Mewtwo for a Wurmple, and only Hill is foolish enough to make that deal.
Here lies Alexander Robert Brooks who passed just days after his 23rd birthday after attending the Dallas Cowboys' opening game at their new stadium, a loss to the New York Football Giants. Downing round after round of Crown and Cokes purchased for him by sketchy Mexican "businessmen," Brooks left the game in a funk. He passed a large black gentleman and was suddenly overcome by the urge to give him a bear hug. And that is the story about the day Larry Allen ate Alex Brooks.
On the opposite end of the spectrum from Mark and Barry is this battle of the unbeatens featuring Reed and Brooks. Following his last minute victory over Mark, Reed well need Fred Jackson to fall short of his 33 projected points in order to defeat Brooks.
Jeff (114) at Drew (89.5)
Despite a monster game from Frank Gore, Drew has not been able to come away with a win yet. The fact that his Defense is more beat up than a bunch of hemophiliac tweens trying to get to the front row of a Jonas Brothers concert means Tom Brady will need step up and lead his Offense to victory.
Fantasy football is like Training Day. I'm the naive little white guy and Barry is the black sensei. He taught me everything I know, and then I threw him to the Russians. In the end, Barry is going to tank his season, blame it on me, and win the Oscar. I bet he wants to bang Macy Gray, too.
Shepherd (113.5) at Stan (115)
Stan is in for another close game this week against Shepherd. Shep's victories have come against weak opponents, so this matchup is sure to bring him down a peg.
This is becoming a serious problem because it is week 3 and I still can't think of stuff to make fun of Stan about. Please forgive me and accept this clip from the funniest show on television as a stand in for me.
Greg (107.5) at Hill (93.5)
I'm a Google guy. I tried using bing, but when I did a search for "worst fantasy team ever," Hill's Butkus didn't show up. Now I'm convinced that Hill doesn't really care about this league which makes facing off against him like having a bye week. Congratulations Greg, Bye!
Mark (117) at Barry (98)
Week three will usher in a new era as one of these winless teams will finally be able to tally a victory and leave the other in an even deeper hole. Barry controls a team that has not reached its potential because of injuries while Mark's roster does not brag many top 20 performers other than Vincent Jackson and Tony Gonzalez. In fact, Mark knows that his team is weak. He made me an interesting offer earlier suggesting that we wager our players on a game of NCAA10. I declined because it would be like trading Mewtwo for a Wurmple, and only Hill is foolish enough to make that deal.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Week 2 Preview
Brooks (104) at Drew (107)
Brooks has a PhD in Excel and this season of fantasy has spawned a new interest in photo and video editing. I think I speak for us all when I say that we cannot wait for the new Brooks Lee Joint.
Drew made a post in the wrong place last week proclaiming that he had an erection from the start of football season. I have not heard from him since then, so I can only assume that he is suffering from a priapism and should call a medical professional.
If Lassiter wants to beat Brooks this week, he is going to need a lot of support from his WR duo of Terrell Owens and Andre Johnson.
Reed (116) at Mark (101.5)
I have serious doubts that either one of these guys will set up their rosters before game time. If Reed doesn't move LT from the starting lineup, it could be a long afternoon watching Sproles have a big day on the bench. I'm really not sure if Mark has figured out what his password is to make any adjustments to his team. It is my opinion that the Beneke family is cursed after his brother Brian made disparaging remarks about the Dallas Cowboys.
Stan (120.5) at Jeff (125)
The two division leaders face off this week. After huge performances from both of their star QBs, this match-up is sure to start a new rivalry. It is sure to be a tight game as both Romo and Brees face off against tough NFC East defenses. If anyone can give me occasional Emmy updates tomorrow it would be appreciated as I will be at the grand opening of the Church of Jerral Jones.
Hill (99) at Shep (105.5)
As we come up on the one year anniversary of Matt Millen's firing in Detroit, it is nice to see that Hill is trying to follow in his footsteps by making as many poor managerial decisions as possible. But he's probably right--the Carson Palmer who threw 2 interceptions against the Broncos won't be the same as the one who takes the field this weekend against a Green Bay defense that had 4 picks last week.
Shepherd is counting on Trent Edwards to go big against a Tampa team that couldn't stop the Dallas passing game. Robinson picked up some sort of fantasy version of ESP while on one of his many vision quests in the middle of nowhere. Not only did half of the Madden Curse already come true, but soon after selecting a name for his team, it's namesake went down with a mysterious mcrib injury. When Michael Crabtree finally signs week 6 and goes on to break every single season receiving record, we're all going to look like idiots.
Barry (120) at Greg (96)
As Greg limps into this week two matchup, he hopes that his star player, Rob Bironas, can correct his mistakes and lead him to victory.
Barry hopes to right the ship after his week one loss to Shepherd. Sunday against the Niners, it appeared that Kurt Warner's luck had finally run out. Barry and his pal, Jesus, are praying that old Warner has a great game in Jacksonville. By the way, Barry, Bob Sanders is out against Miami this week.
Brooks has a PhD in Excel and this season of fantasy has spawned a new interest in photo and video editing. I think I speak for us all when I say that we cannot wait for the new Brooks Lee Joint.
Drew made a post in the wrong place last week proclaiming that he had an erection from the start of football season. I have not heard from him since then, so I can only assume that he is suffering from a priapism and should call a medical professional.
If Lassiter wants to beat Brooks this week, he is going to need a lot of support from his WR duo of Terrell Owens and Andre Johnson.
Reed (116) at Mark (101.5)
I have serious doubts that either one of these guys will set up their rosters before game time. If Reed doesn't move LT from the starting lineup, it could be a long afternoon watching Sproles have a big day on the bench. I'm really not sure if Mark has figured out what his password is to make any adjustments to his team. It is my opinion that the Beneke family is cursed after his brother Brian made disparaging remarks about the Dallas Cowboys.
Stan (120.5) at Jeff (125)
The two division leaders face off this week. After huge performances from both of their star QBs, this match-up is sure to start a new rivalry. It is sure to be a tight game as both Romo and Brees face off against tough NFC East defenses. If anyone can give me occasional Emmy updates tomorrow it would be appreciated as I will be at the grand opening of the Church of Jerral Jones.
Hill (99) at Shep (105.5)
As we come up on the one year anniversary of Matt Millen's firing in Detroit, it is nice to see that Hill is trying to follow in his footsteps by making as many poor managerial decisions as possible. But he's probably right--the Carson Palmer who threw 2 interceptions against the Broncos won't be the same as the one who takes the field this weekend against a Green Bay defense that had 4 picks last week.
Shepherd is counting on Trent Edwards to go big against a Tampa team that couldn't stop the Dallas passing game. Robinson picked up some sort of fantasy version of ESP while on one of his many vision quests in the middle of nowhere. Not only did half of the Madden Curse already come true, but soon after selecting a name for his team, it's namesake went down with a mysterious mcrib injury. When Michael Crabtree finally signs week 6 and goes on to break every single season receiving record, we're all going to look like idiots.
Barry (120) at Greg (96)
As Greg limps into this week two matchup, he hopes that his star player, Rob Bironas, can correct his mistakes and lead him to victory.
Barry hopes to right the ship after his week one loss to Shepherd. Sunday against the Niners, it appeared that Kurt Warner's luck had finally run out. Barry and his pal, Jesus, are praying that old Warner has a great game in Jacksonville. By the way, Barry, Bob Sanders is out against Miami this week.
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