Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Week 2 Review: And The Rich Get Richer!

Our Week 2 Champion: Nude Tayne

Week 2 is in the books! This week featured three games where undefeated teams beat winless teams. A few members of this league need to push the panic button this week. Do anything you can: trades, waiver pickups, bribes, physical violence, kidnapping, etc. Do what you have to do. Much like the Cowboys, if you go 0-3, you're pretty much finished.

The Celery Men (2-0) over T.O.'s Time Outs (1-1), 179.5 - 133.5

A strong defensive showing by The Celery Men this week, but with T.O.'s Time Outs only turning in a 133.5 points, it was hardly necessary. The Time Outs were plagued by lopsided victories which killed fantasy value. Look for MMB to have an improved showing in Week 3. ARB's bet that the Chief would be good this year looks half-right: they've won some games, but Cassel still sucks. (Oh, and I'd like to send out a nice little fuck you to Thomas Jones for taking carries away from Jamaal Charles. You fucked my last year, and now you're back for more. I hope you die in a boat explosion.)

NomNomNom Suh (1-1) over Crocs Out Cocks Out (0-2), 157 - 148.5

ADL continues to suffer the fate of all those who auto-draft: a weak defense. Even so, this game was surprisingly close. Cocks Out made a late push Sunday night, but in the end SKR managed to hold out. By the way, I don't care if LeSean McCoy does have four capital letters in his name. He has no business dropping 37 points on anyone. Brett Favre looks ready to die of old age, and his 1.5 point performance this weekend warmed my heart. Maybe those Wrangler jeans are impeding his mobility?

Nude Tayne (2-0) over Foxbourough Fellatio (0-2), 235 - 180

RER is our Week 2 Champion and his player, Jahvid Best, is our Week 2 MVP. This loss must be especially difficult for Fellatio to take, as he now has 412.5 points against him (by far the most in the league). Dropping 180 in Week 2 and still losing by 55 points is just brutal. Nude Tayne's starters looks on top of their game, but his bench looks dangerously thin. Any injuries to Tayne's starters could derail this budding juggernaut. (P.S.: It is considered rude for anyone replacing HRP to make the playoffs. Please respect his legacy and begin to tank in Week 3. Thank You, Management.)

David Buehler's Day Off (2-0) over First Down Syndrome (0-2), 169.5 - 126

JBL's best player, Matt Schaub, dropped 43.5 points this week and Syndrome still turned in the lowest score in the league. Time to go to DEFCON 1. I imagine that JBL is crying himself to sleep at night in his three-story luxury apartment which he shares with no one. Remember, JBL, Glee, red wine, and Ambien should never be mixed, even in small quantities. Down Syndromes moves this week will make or break his season. SKC turned in a very respectable 169.5 performance at home. Each of Day Off's players played well, but not great. Still, 169.5 is a good total to turn in on an off week.

Assholes Finish 1st (2-0) over DW Defriended Me (0-2), 174 - 171.5

In our best game of the week, BEN squeaked by RSR in a great game. BEN shrewdly benched his own coach heading into the late games to avoid any eventual negative points. Dallas Clark and the Colts almost upset Finish 1st late Sunday night though, combining for 34 points. Look for Defriended Me to reverse his losing trend in coming weeks now the Michael Vick has been named the full-time starter. As always, Finish 1st remains a strong competitor.


  1. I know for a fact Nerdwell started last season 0-2. You bitches are done.

  2. I hope that CABC can become the internet's premier repository of GIFs by the end of the season.