Thursday, September 9, 2010

Every war begins with a first encounter, a first blow, a first casualty. This is the shot heard 'round the world... THE CABC DRAFT!!!

The Brooks-Cunningham War Library of Absolute Silence
...With the first pick in the CABC draft, SKC selects... 


TWIST! Now BEN was scrambling... Only 90 seconds to decide. BEN selects... AARON RODGERS

And so it went for four hours...
After it was all over, the room smelled of Chick-Fil-A, triumph, and regret. (Mostly Chick-Fil-A.)

When it was all said and done, 280 players were taken by 10 teams. Let's see how that worked out:

SKC, David Buehler's Day Off, 1st:
Bad Decision Dinosaur was helping SKC with his draft. BDD loves LDT

Best Pick: Matt Ryan, QB, 3rd Round-- A top ten quarterback in the 3rd round of the draft. Enough said.
Worst Pick: LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, 2nd Round-- Stan was literally looking at a draft guide from 2007. When he told me who he was picking, I really thought he was joking around.

Notable: Malcom Floyd, WR, 12th Round-- With Vincent Jackson out, I think this was a strong value play. A #1 receiver on a great offense. Solid

BEN, Assholes Finish 1st, 2nd: 
BEN fears STDs like Tom Dubois fears prison.
Best Pick: Clinton Portis, RB, 15th Round-- I really hate Shanahan as a coach, but the guy turns hobos into thousand yard rushers. Portis will have a good year, and the 15th round is an insane steal.
Worst Pick: Anquan Boldin, WR, 5th Round-- Boldin is a good player, but somebody has to throw him the ball. I just don't trust Flacco.  The 5th round is too early for dice rolls.
Notable: Sidney Rice, WR-- An interesting player to watch this season. Could provide a great boost in the playoffs.

MMB, T.O.'s Time Outs, 3rd:
MMB, circa 2030, post retirement
Best Pick: Felix Jones, RB, 13th Round-- Excellent value in the 13th round. Massive upside here.
Worst Pick: Vernon Davis. TE, 5th Round-- Vernon Davis is a great player, but the 5th round is too early to take a TE.
Notable: Shonne Greene, RB-- This guy has an outside chance of having the highest carries in the league.

GMF, Foxborough Fellatio, 4th:
No one is entirely sure how GMF spends his free time, but some of us have guesses.
Best Pick: Alex Smith, QB, 21st Round-- Incredible steal. In the weak NFC West, Smith could put up gaudy stats.
Worst Pick: Troy Brown, DT, 10th Round-- Really? A defensive tackle? You know the difference between a bad defensive tackle and a great one? About 3 points. 
Notable: Chris Johnson, RB-- If he can repeat last year's performance, GMF will be a force in the AFC.

SKR, NomNomNom Suh, 5th:
This is the player that you picked, SKR. This guy. The dude in the photo.
Best Pick: Matt Forte, RB, 5th Round-- Forte is projected to be at top 10 back this season. Great pick.
Worst Pick: Brett Favre, QB, 3rd Round-- I'm calling it right now. This is the year the old man goes down.
Notable: Tim Tebow, Christian Warrior-- I hope Tebow gets hit by a bus.

ARB, The Celery Men, 6th:
ARB during the draft (a reenactment).
Best Pick: Hakeem Nicks, WR, 13th Round-- Nicks is starter on a good passing team and is a legit deep threat. 
Worst Pick: Steve Breaston, WR, 23rd Round-- Already had many WRs, Breaston has no QB.
Notable: Tom Brady, QB-- Brady was in a car accident early this morning. He was reportedly unharmed.

RSR, DP Defriended Me, 7th:
A childhood photo of RSR
Best Pick: Fred Jackson, RB, 27th Round-- Jackson could be a difference maker this year. Anytime you get any potential impact player in the 27th round is a win.
Worst Pick: Michael Turner, RB, 2nd Round-- Even without the Curse of 270, and even if he returns to form, this was a mistake in the 2nd round.
Notable: Carson Palmer, QB-- RSR appears to have a sexual fascination with this player.

ADL, Cocks Out Crocs Out, 8th:
This was ADL's rejected photo for his work ID badge.
Best Pick: Eli Manning, QB, 5th Round-- Manning might not be an elite QB, but he's very solid. Good value in the 5th round.
Worst Pick: Lee Evans, WR, AutoDrafted-- This player is cursed. Please drop him as soon as possible.
Notable: Albert Haynesworth, DT-- What's this guy's deal? Oh, right. You gave him $100mm contract that you can't take back.

JBL, First Down Syndrome, 9th:
Jesus Christ, Thank God it's football season.
Best Pick: Patrick Willis, LB, 8th Round-- Most consistent LB in the league with upside. 
Worst Pick: Pierre Thomas, RB, 7th Round-- Thomas isn't projected to receive enough touches this year to justify this pick.
Notable: Dez Bryant, WR-- Could be starting by mid-season if Roy Williams finally decides to do the whole world a favor and injure himself.

RER, Nude Tayne, 10th:
"I'm sorry." the doctor said. "I'm afraid that SoCal has altered him permanently. He'll be a hipster forever."
Best Pick: Patrick Crayton, WR, 23rd Round-- Crayton is WR2 on an excellent passing team. In the 23rd round, this pick is all upside.
Worst Pick: Jahvid Best, RB, 5th Round-- Best may end up being great, but do you really want to put your 5th round pick in Detroit's hands? I don't. Too soon.
Notable: Jay Ratliff, DT-- Ratliff is listed at DT, but he'll likely play more of a blitzing roll on passing downs. A DE wrapped in a DT's shell. Could be an interesting player.

Stay tuned for the complete CABC team projections... COMING SOON!!!

1 comment:

  1. Stan looks happy in the picture. Little did he know that he would soon be picking LaDanian Tomlinson.