Sunday Sundries: Where Have I Been?

The answer to the above question is neither brief nor definitive. What is definitive is how cute and edible dachsunds are.


That defenseless face only serves to make me want to cook that baby up even more. However, that bun looks pretty plain-vanilla. Mrs. Baird's Bread and Ronald Reagan may have been co-conspirators in making us Americans accept such a shitty product, rather than opting for something a tiddle wit more... poppy seedy.

And before you ask, I know it isn't Sunday. I know this for the sole reason that I am a student, and I have "obligations". Psh. Sunday can be any day of the week. Mull on that for a minute, suckers. Now let's get into the bullets.

• Good win yesterday. Jason Garrett deserves a pat on the back (while receiving oral pleasure). Let's hope that this is a trend upward rather than a flash in the pan, as it were.
  

• Brooks' flubbed Disney-SKR girlfriend lady friend reference, I'm afraid, was a tad bit inaccurate. While I do find redheads attractive (especially the one ARB pictured...damn! For such shitty NOLA internet, Brooksy, you've sure got your Google image searches down to a science)...been there, done that, and I don't plan on driving the red camaro any time in the future - at least without copious amounts of intoxicants. I am, in fact, quite happy with what I have. Here is an artist's rendering of her:
  

A true Beauty, I know.

• This is kind of cool. At least worth a .gif-moment:

• Barring some sort of unfortunate rescore, I will earn my first win in quite a while. It's amazing how mundane life becomes when both your real-life team and your fantasy team get in the nasty habit of getting the shit kicked out of them on a weekly basis. I promised SKC vengeance after week one, and either Jack Handey or Vishnu must have been looking over me, because my promise proved fruitful. Also, to Reed (I can't, and probably never will, be able to distinguish between the brothers Ruschhaupt's initials. So fuck it.): Congratu-god damn-lations. Vick turned in a helluva performance for you on your way to 230+ points. I know you enjoy cuddly animals being anthropomorphized (sic), so here (the accompanying audio is fantastic):

• Went to Pacquiao-Margarito this weekend. It is sooooo much more satisfying seeing such violence in real life. It reminded me of that time that I went to some shitty hotel in Dallas to see that Cohan kid try out MMA, only to get kicked in his flubby stomach enough for him to tap out. Also, Nelly performed. It. Was. Glorious.
  
  
  
  

Until next time, fellow fantasizers

Rodney Harrison

Rodney Harrison was the league's dirtiest player for years.  I do not like that he is on my television lecturing other players on "dirty play."

I also think that he looks like a dachshund. Is anyone else seeing this?

THERE IS A NEW GIRLTALK ALBUM

AWWWW YEAHHHH

It just smells so good

Week 10 Preview

COCO (6-3) at Celery Men (9-0)

With the return of Thursday Night Football on that channel nobody gets, ARB has decided to give Dreamy Calves, Jr a head start on this week's game. If the game comes down to the wire, ADL could pick up a bye week coach for an extra point boost as both MNF captains are still available.

Assholes (5-4) at Tayne (6-3)

RER got quite a lead in Thursday's game thanks to an impressive performance from Roddy White. Bernard has been having a tough time fitting in at the office, but there's one thing that can help him feel more at home. SEND HIM ORANGE SODA. WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA? BEN LOVES ORANGE SODA. HE DO! HE DO! HE DO! HE DO! HE DO-OO!

NomNomNom (2-7) at Buehler (6-3)

Hey SKR, that empty spot at the top of your roster, you want to take care of that chief? SKC-This is how you do a blog post. 1) Find something dumb on the internet, this part takes work because we can tell if you dont try. 2) Post it here on our blog. 3) Cry and Masturbate free from ARB breathing down your neck. Trust me, I've tried it both ways and it's just better by yourself.

Syndrome (0-9) at DPDM (6-3)

Based on the performance of HILL, the family's favorite horse, then JBF has a good shot at taking this week's game. RSR has had ample time to find cute animals online, but following Michael Turner's poor TNF showing, we won't know this time management decision plays into his total point performance.

TOUCHDOWN SYNDROME!

TOTO (3-6) at Fellatio (2-7)

The performances of these two teams are more embarrassing than that of the Syndrome because while JBF has embraced his role as league suckass, these two teams keep fighting week after week. MMB makes absurd lineup changes and refuses to make trades with anyone, your loss buddy. Fellatio sits in abeyance all week until GMF decides 5 minutes before kickoff whether or not he is going to play this week. HRKing, if you can tell me what abeyance means I'll give you Beanie Wells.

You are so fuzzed.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE CUTENESS?

Today's first contender weighs in at 4.54 something (I'm not sure what measure of weight the Chinese are using today; they are so new-age with the oxymoronic dictator-capitalism).



Next up is a creech pulled from SKC's family sloth farm.

What an interesting specimen!

In a beautifully executed Week 9 Review, ARB called out a special someone about his cuteness tactic.

ME!

Here is what I have to say about that, mister.

Fat Kids Rejoice!

I cannot believe someone actually spent time on this, but congratulations to them!



I don't watch videos with sound anymore between the hours of 7am and 7pm (werk) so I'm positive, based off shallow mute assumptions, this Robert Haleluk is a Rohypnol chemist and prescribed his lady friend to a full bottle.

Week 9 Review: Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife

Cuz ARB rapin' everybody out here.

Guys, I'm honestly starting to get sick of being Weekly Champion. I'm gonna try to help you guys out with some tips:
 

JBF, you're 0-9. You need to begin the process of influencing the league through lopsided trades. It's your only hope.

GMF, congratulations on your recent frat-stardom. Now pull your head out of your ass. Being cool doesn't translate into fantasy wins.

 SKR has got himself a new Disney character girlfriend, and from what he tell me, her vagina is magical. You deserve a hearty handshake, sir. I'd give you some tips for fantasy football, but you've got other things to worry about (namely, an unwanted pregnancy).

 MMB, your team is in freefall. To end this streak of losses at five, you need to sacrifice an animal. I think The Gods would like this kitten. I mean, who wouldn't?

 

BEN, your team looks pretty soft now, but I know that it'll grow up to be a fearsome aquatic bird come playoff time. I really hope it doesn't though. Adult geese are terrifying. 

   

ADL has taken the league by storm. Six wins in a row. He looks unstoppable. I don't think we should worry though. If you read the fine print of the league, anyone who dies of work-related stress during the season is banned from the playoffs. 

   

RER, you've done it. You have officially become a playoff contender your first year in the league. We don't award Rookie of the Year until the end of the regular season, but I'd say you have a decent shot at winning.

RSR, I am fucking on to you. I get your plan. You're gonna post pictures of baby giraffes to lull the rest of the league into a sense of calm, and then you'll calmly claim the League Championship. You're on notice. Also, congrats to Peyton Hillis for being week 9 MVP.

SKC, you should post on the blog. That ass is meant to symbolize you. Also, Pro Tip: do not Google "Animal related ass". There are some things you can't unsee,

Thursday Night Football

Thursday Night Football starts this week. There's a game tonight. Adjust your rosters accordingly.

Ok, good talk. See you out there.

In this week's episode of Les Miles What-the-Fuckery...

This week Les Miles avoided being criticized for zany play calling or poor time management, but he still managed to wow us with his absurd behavior. But stupidity is not exclusive to Louisiana. We're pretty nuts up here in Arizona, too.

Tropic Thunder : Film Clip - Nobody Goes Full Retard - watch more funny videos