Thursday, September 29, 2011


In an attempt to pad my ego, this week's preview will be available after the jump. Thanks for your understanding.

Where does Ron Washington stand on the issues facing our country?
He doesn't like HPV--or retardation. However, he is worried about the economy and its effect on cigarette prices.
Kittens (1-2) at Baiters (1-2)
Both teams are riding two game skids after posting week one victories this season. The Kittens are still waiting for Chris Johnson to come alive, but now that he has a few preseason games under his belt he could be primed for a big performance, especially with Kenny Britt killing the Titans’ passing game. AD is projected 25 in KC and SKR is the 7 point favorite, but RSR will put all his faith in Brady and Fitzpatrick to bring some pride to the Haus of Haupt. 
You wouldn't like kitty when he's angry.
Hangover (1-2) at Raditude (1-2)
Both players pulled out rare victories last week. If only MMB approached fantasy football with the same gusto he had when he was making headlines for his powerlifting there might not be as much doubt surrounding the state of his team week in and week out. After consulting with the rulebook, it seems that unfortunately a team must win this week as well giving one owner the other the chance to play with the big boys for another week while the other will be relegated down to Taintsman territory, hereby known as “Taintburgatory”. The tiny Hamlet of Taint is currently home to Jon Papelbon, Fredi Gonzalez, and Apl De Ap because he got a killer deal on some brownfield land*. Don’t worry Raditude, I hear you can get a great rate on a nice little 1 Bed, 1.5 Bath storage unit.
And Nero fiddled as their fantasy hopes burned.
Airboats (3-0) at Bye Week (0-3)
RER carved his place in CABC lore this week. He used eight transactions in an Al Davis-esque managerial decision to pick up a ton of middle tier defensive players in an effort to supplement his weekly scores by 2.5 points. Unfortunately, Bye Week has become an accurate description of what opponents can expect going into a matchup with RER, but with players like Andre Johnson and Megatron he could pull a surprise upset one of these weeks. I would be remiss if I did not bring up how the Airboats’ victory will be fueled by the manna that is State Fair Fare. After devouring enough Fletcher’s dogs to feed his entire defensive lineup, ARB will have just enough energy to beat down RER with the meatless bone of a smoked turkey leg and vomit on the rest of the Bye Weeks.
"Periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation." - RER
Ninja Vanish (3-0) at Clipboard (1-2)
The Ninjas were the champions of Week 3 despite picking up only 7.5 points from homerun threats DeSean Jackson and Brandon Marshall. SKC’s unwillingness to heed this author’s advice and pick a steady running back has been his downfall in each of his losses this season. Four players didn’t show up for the Clipboards last week, while two others only contributed half a point each. It’s unlikely that he will be able to turn his season around this week against BEN, whose one-two punch of ARod and Jermichael Finley face off against Denver at home.
BEN has asked for his prize money in the form of a K&G Men's Superstore giftcard.
Tit Gypsies (2-1) at Repeat (2-1)
As the only two teams sitting at 2-1, this outcome of this week’s marquee game could have longterm consequences for these two AFC teams. GMF came away with the victory last week despite turning in the second lowest point total. Don’t expect a repeat performance because the Tit Gypsies face an angry Repeat squad led by Marmalard and RunDMC. Even Stafford has the chance to put up big numbers in his Dallas homecoming. That is if 6 rowdy CABC’ers don’t get all up in his mind first. Head games, son.
I missed the series premiere of Terra Nova, but I hear that bastard Spielberg did it again.

*Had to insert random pop-culture reference because there’s no chance MMB has any idea what is going on in the world of baseball. Hint- it’s the one with sticks and Dominicans.

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