Saturday, November 20, 2010

Week 11 Preview: The Most Adorable Preview Ever

It is rivalry week for CABC pitting brothers against brothers, black against white, traditionally handsome versus “man-pretty,” and lifelong friends facing off in a battle royal. But that is not the only major event this weekend. On a sports day that gets a B- at best (seriously, you’re playing a football game with only one endzone; What is this, The Winston School?) Animal Planet saves the day with not one, but two clashes of cuteness. Following an afternoon of Pitbulls and Parolees, this mainstay of basic cable brings us programs that should be called Persians and Preciousness or Dalmatians and Dandyism. Ladies and gentlemen, America’s Cutest Cat and America’s Cutest Dog 2010 pageants will air tonight starting at 8pm et (check local listings).
But in case you’re some sort of Nazi who hates pets and their sweet, sweet faces, I give you now the CABC Week 11 matchups:

Fellatio (3-7) at Syndrome (0-10): The Bro Bowl

This set of brothers has turned in embarrassing point totals week after week. Now facing GMF for the first time this season, JBF hopes to finally be able to get into the win column. Despite only receiving seven points from Jay Cutler in his Thursday night victory over Miami, Foxborough Fellatio are still favored in this matchup as the Syndrome are again having issues with their San Diego rushers.

COCO (6-4) at Suh (3-7): The GQ Quarrel
It’s always interesting to see if these two lady-killers will make it home in time to fix their lineups on Sunday mornings. SKR is coming off a win over David Buehler and ADL hopes to recover from his loss at the hands of the Celery Men in order to stay in playoff contention. Win or lose, these handsome gentlemen will surely find comfort in the breasts of a beautiful woman before they start over again next weekend.

Assholes (5-5) at Celery Men (10-0): 1990’s Nostalgia

In the 1990’s Jim Kelly quarterbacked the high power Buffalo Bills to four consecutive Super Bowl losses. ARB has similarly Excel-ed his way to CABC league scoring titles, but so far the championship has eluded him. Bernard would here play the role of the NFC, dominating the league for years before returning to mediocrity. After making a risky roster move on Monday Night, BEN dropped that game to fall to .500 on the season. The playoffs are not out of reach for this perennial contender and handing the Celery Men their first loss of the season would go a long way for the Assholes.

Buehler (6-4) at TOTO (3-7): The Not-so-Great Schism

As it has been stated here before, SKC and MMB have been noticeably absent when it comes to their CABC Blog participation. If these two have time to post their smack talck on the official ESPN Scoreboard, then why can’t they do anything here? I call shenanigans. Big, fat, loser shenanigans. The Time Outs have been on a six game skid, but hope to turn things around with their recent acquisition of Matthew Fuckin’ Bryant, Kicker for the NFC leading Atlanta Falcons. David Buehler and his Day’s Off try to shake off last week’s tough loss while trying to fine tune their roster for the playoffs. Should be another interesting involving the two most apathetic members of the league.

Tayne (7-3) at Phillips (7-3): The Fraternal Fracas

The Tayne has had a rocky season through his first 10 weeks in the league. The other Ruschushushu has been mighty steady, but facing a steep task with his remaining schedule. If he can make a statement in this brotherly battle, RSR will go on to face division rivals SKC and BEN before finishing the season in a championship preview against ARB.

1 comment:

  1. How can one R have a "rocky season," and the other be "mighty steady," but they both have a 7-3 record? These are the kind of questions that let me sleep easy knowing you're 0-10.