Friday, September 30, 2011
Fantasy Baseball...Remember That?
3 1/2 weeks into fantasy football season, I approach you, fellow CABC-ers, as a winner. Sure, Baiters Gonna 'Bait is 1-2, but SKR's fantasy baseball team is 2011 champion. Sure, you will all say that you stopped playing... or for that matter, never played. But, my friends, as General Patton once said, a win is a win is a win.
update: broken pics fixed. As an apology, enjoy this gigantic cache of arrested development .gif's. If promises of 10 more shows and a movie don't get you hard, then Will Arnett may just not be your type.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
CABC 2011: WEEK 4 PREVIEW
Where does Ron Washington stand on the issues facing our country? He doesn't like HPV--or retardation. However, he is worried about the economy and its effect on cigarette prices. |
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
SOMEONE PLEASE SIGN SILKY
Not Picture: Blaine Gabbert |
Dear Seattle, San Francisco, Cincinnati, Jacksonville, and Indianapolis,
I'd like to remind you that there is a perfectly decent QB currently sitting on the waiver wire. That QB is Silky Garrard. In addition to providing adequate play at the quarterback position for your team, Mr. Garrard boasts a wide array of plus-sized, under-aged Asian ladies of the evening that would be an asset to any metropolitan area.
I realize that some of you are actively sabotaging your own season in order to draft Andrew Luck. Only one of you will win that lottery. The rest of you will be stuck with your current starter.
The question is this: do you feel lucky?
If you don't, Silky is the man for the job.
Sincerely,
ARB, The Selfish Airboats
Concerned owner of David Garrard
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Week 3 Review: The Cream Rises to the Top
How do you like me now? How do you like me now? |
Turtle Power |
Yes, they are. |
MMB (left) and RER (right) |
On your left, naturally gifted and extremely athletic. On your right, hard working and blue-collar; a coach on the field. |
Chipmunks love ATVs. #FakeSnappleFact |
The Schedule
Friday: We attend the fair, dinner at Mico.
Saturday: We attend the fair again, dinner at Mico again.
Sunday: We go watch the Cowboys destroy the Lions at the Deathstar.
Alright, Good talk. See you out there.
RIP: Rest in Peppermint
Jerry Haynes who played Mr. Peppermint on the long-running WFAA-TV kids show of the same name, died at age 84 Monday of complications from Parkinson’s disease. |
Monday, September 26, 2011
If CABC were Turtles
Enough about TAD! To the pairings!
MNF: Redskins at Cowboys!
Spoiler Alert: The indians die of smallpox, the cowboys go on to create western civilization. |
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Cam Newton: Kitten Fighter
The face of a monster |
Saturday, September 24, 2011
CABC 2011: WEEK 3 PREVIEW
Game. Set. Match. Kittens. |
I just Meme'd the shit out of MMB |
A Glimpse into the Mind of ARB |
Friday, September 23, 2011
Week 2 Review: THE FORGOTTEN WEEK
You forgot about this, didn't you? |
- ARB trounced MMB, 197 - 139.5
- ADL defeated SKR 209.5 - 164
- GMF crushed RER 215 - 167.5
- SKC stymied JBF 163.5 - 153
- BEN outlasted RSR 179 - 170
"Thanks, Scarjo!" -Penises |
The first of many Taintsman GIFs |
And that's why Jesus didn't get laid in high school |
See you out there.
FUZZY FRIDAY: THE PREAMBLE
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Oooh Chimpanzee That!
Monday, September 19, 2011
CABC Goes to the Emmy's!
Queen of the Gleeks |
Won't you join me?
Why All These $%^&*ing Injuries are Good for the Cowboys
Let’s look at it from several angles:
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A Victory for Tony Romo
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checked by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat!
Week 2 Open Thread
Does anyone know if this is true? |
Friday, September 16, 2011
CABC 2011: WEEK 2 PREVIEW
I, err, ahh, blame it on Arian Fostah |
Shut up, JBF. You know you liked it. |
Assholes (1-0) at Kittens (1-0)
Baiters (1-0) at Repeat (1-0)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tales from the Cage
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Week 1 Review: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
The Truth: you DO look fat in those jeans. |
Monday, September 12, 2011
Like Brooks Needs an Apology...
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
SJax gets all up in MSut
Friday, September 9, 2011
Cowboys 2011 Season Outlook: Offensive Line and Defensive Secondary
This is a cornerstone of the Rob Ryan defense |
Fast forward to today:
20 years old my ass |
Only one offensive lineman has remained at his 2010 position (Free, LT), three starters were cut (Colombo, Gurode, Davis), one starter was moved (Kosier- LG to RG), and three new starters were brought in (Nagy- LG, Costa- C, Smith- RT).
A common fallacy among football pundits is wrongly attributing success to veteran line play (a group of experienced players) instead of cohesive line play (a group of players who have played together for some time). All else being equal, a group of five year veteran offensive lineman who have never played together would be inferior to a group of rookie offensive lineman who played together for four years in college. When you know how to play and communicate with the other guys around you, you make more plays and you blow fewer assignments.
Which leads us to the Cowboys' current offensive line: we lack both veteran players and cohesion, but we should still see a much better performance from this unit compared to last year. The Cowboys chose athleticism and finesse over power and size. In short, they chose pass protection over the power running game. They chose to keep Romo on his feet. And you know what? I'm completely fine with this. Felix Jones wasn't going to run through middle line backers, anyways. He's going to beat them off tackle, outside, and with screen passes. Our offensive line is tailored to do just that.
In conclusion, you should expect a lot of growing pains from this relatively young unit, but you should also expect dramatically improved pass protection.
His knowledge of the Rob Ryan system is second to none. You're gonna have to trust me on that. |
The Cowboys just barely missed out on the Asomugha sweepstakes, and all I can say is "Thank God". Asomugha is a great player, but he's 30 years old. Even if we put aside the problem of paying $10 million or more for a 35 year old corner, at 5 years/$60 million, the Cowboys simply couldn't afford the cap hit. Our cap situation would go from bad to worse, and without the resources to rebuild, so would our team.
That being said, what about Michael Huff? Johnathan Joseph? Eric Weddle? The Cowboys reportedly had little contact with any of them. A popular theory is that the Cowboys assumed Asomugha was in the bag, so they didn't have a backup plan when the division rival Eagles blew them out of the water at the last second. That's extremely disappointing, if true.
The one new addition to the Cowboys' secondary is Abram Elam, a safety experienced in Rob Ryan's defensive scheme. Signed only to a mid-level one year deal, Elam will be crucial in getting this defense up to speed since Ryan's defense is notoriously complex, and there was no off season to ease the transition from old scheme to new.
With the addition of Elam, Alan Ball slides back to his natural position of corner. The Cowboys corners are now starters Newman and Jenkins, Scandrick at nickle, and Ball at dime. The safeties are Elam at free safety, Sensabaugh at strong safety, and Church as an occasional contributor.
As strange as it is to say, the greatest strength of our secondary is our pass rush. The longer the quarterback has to throw the ball, the longer the secondary has to cover. With players like Ware, Spencer, and Ratliff, the Cowboys' pass rush can dominate offensive lines. Ryan's blitzes and coverages are designed specifically to trick offenses into protection errors and unsafe throws. Don't be surprised to see safeties and corners blitzing this year as well, another hallmark of the Rob Ryan defense.
Expect check downs and quick passes when we get pressure, expect big plays when the quarterback has time to throw. I don't expect our interception rate to dramatically rise, but Elam is an upgrade over Ball, and Ryan's scheme may improve our defensive play-making.
If the secondary is to become a strength instead of a weakness, two of these three things need to happen: Newman gets and stays healthy, Jenkins returns to 2009 form, Scandrick emerges as a legitimate starter. If we get all three, we're golden. If we get fewer than two, we're screwed.
CABC 2011: WEEK 1 PREVIEW
SKR hoping for the return of Johnny U |
Nothing says Harvard like a Fugbeard |
Nips that would make BELK jealous |
Fact: Hook is the greatest film of all time. |
The Dandiest Dandies in town. Sally would be so proud. |
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
What's in a Name?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Steve Seagal Auditions for Role in Mike Vick Biopic
PHOENIX - A notice of claim has been filed against Maricopa County sheriff's detectives by a Phoenix man who claims humiliation, emotional distress and property damage from a high-profile raid on his property.
The raid last March included actor Steven Seagal , his reality-TV camera crew and Sheriff Joe Arpaio's deputies all there to investigate an alleged cockfighting operation at Jesus Sanchez Llovera's Laveen home."To make good TV for Steven Seagal," Llovera's attorney, Robert Campos said.
Llovera's claim seeks $25,000 from the sheriff's office and another $25,000 from Seagal."There was a show for Steven Seagal, and it just happened to be me," Llovera said through an interpreter.
Llovera also said deputies shot and killed an 11-month-old puppy on the property.
"That's a fabrication. That is just a bunch of crap," Chief Deputy David Trombi said.
The sheriff's office said the cockfighting case is pending, but said the raid was a legitimate law enforcement action.
"Whether he was there or wasn't there would not and did not change the way we executed that search warrant," Trombi said.
Llovera told ABC15 he would drop his suit against Seagal if the actor comes to the property to apologize to him and his children.
Read more: http://www.abc15.com/dpp/news/region_phoenix_metro/central_phoenix/phoenix-man-files-claim-against-sheriff's-office#ixzz1WiiE0G7A