Happy Valentine's Day

This card is both romantic and tasteful

Perhaps you might even send a tasteful GIF to accompany the card?

If all else fails, start construction on that Girlfriend-Bot you've always been meaning to build.

A Treasury of Pics

That's a cute dogbit

TWIST!

DRAMA LLAMA!

Never forget.

Turtle five.

Birds will flat out murder you.

Careful, Mr. Kitty. That fire is hot.

For Mal

Ibid 

Oh, shut up. You've got your coat on!

That's an impressive wrap job.

A tragedy. Look away!

French fry your way to their heart.

Alright, good talk. See you out there.

Tales from the Cage

By John McCrank

TORONTO | Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:31pm EDT

(Reuters) - For actor Nicolas Cage, making the new thriller movie "Trespass" hit close to home.

Cage, at the Toronto film festival along with director Joel Schumacher promoting the film about a home invasion, said that he has actually lived through the nightmare in real life.

"It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed," he told reporters on Wednesday.

"I know it sounds funny ... but it was horrifying."

A Fudgesicle is a frozen, ice cream-like snack.

Cage said the ordeal ended after he talked the man out of the house and police arrived. He did not press charges, as the man had mental problems, but Cage, who now lives in Nassau, Bahamas, said he could not stay in the house after that.

In "Trespass," which is scheduled for release in October, thieves con their way into the opulent mansion where Cage's character lives with his unhappy wife (played by Nicole Kidman) and their daughter.

The family is held for ransom and the movie follows a path of twists and turns as negotiations with the intruders ensue.

Schumacher, who earlier cast Cage in his film "8MM," and Kidman in "Batman Forever," said "Trespass" is also about extremes between the rich and the poor in America.

"It's a class warfare movie too, about the haves and the have-nots."

The diamond-dealing Cage character and one of the invaders are two versions of the same man, in that they have both "overreached to have their share of what used to be called 'The American Dream,'" Schumacher said.

2011 CABC NCAA BAKETBALL TOURNAMENT CHALLENGE

If you're like me, you've got some questions.

First of all: What the fuck is "Basket-Ball"?

Apparently the sport was invented in the late 80s by Nike to sell tennis shoes to black kids [citation needed], but it was a surprising hit with white people as well once assists were officially recorded and they added the three point line.

Secondly: What are the stakes?

Whoever wins this tournament challenge, I will personally take you out for a fine night of drinking at the establishment of your choice (subject to veto).

Lastly, Where does one sign up?

You can sign up right here using your ESPN credentials from Fantasy Football. Password and Group Name are "CABC"

Thursday Night Football

Thursday Night Football starts this week. There's a game tonight. Adjust your rosters accordingly.

Ok, good talk. See you out there.

I'll Miss Your Hair Most Of All

Farewell, Garrett Hartley. You had a good run, but it went to your head, and 2010 just doesn't seem to be your year.

I picked you up because you seemed like a reasonably nice fellow, albeit a little high on yourself. And let's be honest; the Saints wouldn't have gotten to the Super Bowl without some clutch kicks.

No I don't want to hold your damn ring again. Is that mousse? Gel?

But all that's past now. I've had two poor weeks, and you sitting on the sideline, making sure your bleached locks are perfectly coiffed isn't going to help me win any games.

And so, in a strange twist of fate, I set you aside for a man who's also been known to have an off year: gentlemen and Miss Rush, I present to you... NICK FOLK!

Sideline Judges are in charge of the officiating of smiles