Monday, September 26, 2011

If CABC were Turtles

In honor of September 27th being Turtle Appreciation Day, what a better way to honor Canada's most historic holiday than pairing famous turtles to CABC members. Oh, you are unfamiliar with TAD? In 1993, three turtles from Brooklyn, Buffalo and New Orleans decided to form a land of their own in the desolate wilderness of America's hat. At the Annual National Amphibian-Reptile League meeting in Sacramento, the three turts convinced the rest of their species and strange people with funny ascents and ignorance for sports to emigrate North, thus forming Canada.

Enough about TAD! To the pairings!

SKCunny, Mr. Turtle

Just as Mr. Turtle could never answer the how many licks question, so too does Stan deflect draft questioning to the smug trickster "Brooks" the owl.

MMB, Michelangelo

Mike or Mikey, as Wikipedia likes to call him,"provides much of the comic relief" for the other turtles just as our own Markey provides to CABC. However silly and behind-in-the-conversation they may seem, both pizza-nomers are league favorites.

ARB, Franklin

Look at this know-it-all. Just as no one could really describe the show "Franklin" to a stranger without breaking down to "its all about Franklin, a turtle" so too do CABC members struggle explaining the league without succumbing to "its a season devoted to ARB".

BEN, Gamera

ARB created this league for two reasons. One, a circlejerk for himself; two, to defeat BEN. Just as Gamera intimidates the island nation of Japan, BEN intimidates CABC.

JBF, The Tortoise

As JBF neglected to score triple digits in week one, CABC began to worry that 2010 Loss Champ was destined to be the first taintsman. But with this week's recent victory (pending a defensive rescore or scoregate, MAKE IT HAPPEN ARB!, plz thx kk), JBF may be on the rise.

SKR, Yertle the Turtle

Most of the time, I do not understand what SKR is talking about, but when I do follow what he's saying, I like it. I feel the same way about that loon Seuss.

RER, Shades Squirtle

That's what I'm talking about. Keep the shades on and your chin up, big guy.

ADL, Touché Turtle

Touché Turtle's ability to foil enemies is as powerful as an ESPN Autodraft.

Unfamiliar with the Touché? This intro is all you need:

GMF, Turtles Candy

I assume GMF enjoys eating from his bacon posts of years past, and these suckers are delicious. Enjoy, GMF.

RSR, Squirt

We're gonna have a great jump today.


  1. Glad to know I'm not the only one who doesn't know what S.Dog is talking about most of the time.

  2. Franklin is as cool as the other side of the pillow, Billy Dee Williams, and a polar bear's toenails combined. Other things we have in common: dinosaur feet and a deep distrust of foreigners.