Monday, September 19, 2011

CABC Goes to the Emmy's!

Queen of the Gleeks
The 2011 Emmy's were last night and like every year, the award were (mostly) handed to the wrong people. Let's take a second look at some of these categories and issue a few awards of our own.

Won't you join me?

Outstanding Comedy Series

Parks and Recreation
South Park

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Community! A tight win in a very competitive category this year. Archer, Louis, and Parks and Rec all turned in fantastic seasons, but none of them mixed great story lines with as much comedy as Community did. An absolutely fantastic season.

Outstanding Drama Series

Boardwalk Empire
Game of Thrones
Mad Men
Sons of Anarchy
The Walking Dead

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Game of Thrones! The strongest opening season of any show in recent memory, this show really had it all. Decapitations, boobs, midgets, child defenestration, wolf puppies, wolf attacks, Twincest™, boobs, and gratuitous sex scenes. Despite great seasons from the other shows, this was a runaway victory.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Alex Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
H. Jon Benjamin as Sterling Archer, Archer
Joel McHale as Jeff Winger, Community
Louis C.K. as Louie, Louie
Nick Kroll as Ruxin, The League
Steve Carrell as Michael Scott, The Office

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Louis C.K.! A mild upset over moderate favorites Jon Benjamin and Steve Carrell, this is certainly a deserving win. The show Louie is so brilliant because Louis C.K. is. This season Louis seemed to know exactly what he wanted to do in the show, and executed it perfectly. One of the funniest people alive today.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes, The Walking Dead
Charlie Hunnam as Jax Teller, Sons of Anarchy
Jon Hamm as Don Draper, Mad Men
Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan, Dexter
Sean Bean as Eddard Stark, Game of Thrones
Timothy Olyphant as Raylan Givens, Justified

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Timothy Olyphant! Olyphant was brilliant this year on a very strong season of Justified. That being said, Jon Hamm, Sean Bean, and Andrew Lincoln could just as easily have won. A tough category every year, but there really were some spectacular performances this year. Hard to say what would have happened if Bryan Cranston had been eligible.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation

[This space intentionally left blank.]

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Amy Poehler! Not a surprising victory considering every other comedic actress on earth had the good Goddamn sense to not submit their names for an award they know they didn't deserve. She was so much better than her peers last year that I think they should probably give her two Emmy's just for good measure.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Connie Britton as Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights
Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olson, Mad Men
Emelia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Glenn Close as Patty Hewes, Damages
Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick, The Good Wife
Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister, Game of Thrones

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Emelia Clarke! Her transformation this season on Game of Thrones was simply incredible. Clarke gave the performance of a lifetime, and without her brillance, the role of Daenerys Targaryen would never have been so spectacular. [Note: Fuck whoever nominated that chick from The Killing. That show needs to be thrown into a volcano.]

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Anders Holm as Anders, Workaholics
Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation
Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dany Pudi as Abed Nadir, Community
Donald Glover as Troy Barnes, Community
Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Nick Offerman! Despite having the best performance last season, Mr. Offerman declined the Emmy because "awards are stupid." As of press time he was using an oscillating spindle sander to put the finishing touches on a 20-foot wooden sea-kayak that he was building as an afternoon project.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Aiden Gillen as Petyr Baelish, Game of Thrones
John Slattery as Roger Sterling, Mad Men
Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones
Walton Goggins as Boyd Crowder, Justified
Michael Pitt as Jimmy Darmondy, Boardwalk Empire
Jack Gleeson as Joffrey Baratheon, Game of Thrones

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Peter Dinklage! Dinklage turned in a huge performance as the Tyrion Lannister. Truly the role of a lifetime for this little fellow, although I'd like to note that I have never hated a character in television or film more than Joffrey Baratheon in Game of Thrones. I think I've got to give Jack Gleeson kudos for that. [Note: I am not the only one who feels this way about Joffrey. (Contains Spoilers!)]

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Aisha Tyler as Lana Kane, Archer
Alison Brie as Annie Edison, Community
Gillian Jacobs as Britta Perry, Community
Jessica Walter as Mallory Archer, Archer
Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Katie Aselton as Jenny, The League

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Aisha Tyler! No one on earth can make the words "Yup" or "Nope" quite as funny as Aisha Tyler does playing Lana Kane. Despite it being an animated show [Note: These are the CABC Emmy's, dicknose. We play by our own rules.] Tyler did enough this season to merit the win. Alison Brie gets the honorable mention for her work in Community, which was excellent.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Christina Hendricks as Joan Harris, Mad Men
Kelly Macdonald as Margaret Schroeder, Boardwalk Empire
Maisie Williams as Ayra Stark, Game of Thrones
Margo Martindale as Mags Bennett, Justified
Michelle Fairley as Catelyn Stark, Game of Thrones
Michelle Forbes* as Mitch Larsen, The Killing

And the CABC Emmy goes to....

Margo Martindale! Ohhhh Mags Bennett, how I love you so. Martindale was so perfectly cast that she made the complex machinations of the Bennett clan look almost easy to orchestrate. I really want that Apple Pie recipe, too. [*Michelle Forbes was really good on The Killing, but she was disqualified because she was on The Killing.]

"The Daily Show can suck a fat dick." -Jimmy Fallon
Well boys and girls, that wraps up the 2011 CABC Emmy's. Hope you all had as good a time as I did!

PS: "Where's Modern Family!?!?" See here. "What about Glee!?!? See here.