Week 1 Review: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

The Truth: you DO look fat in those jeans.

Well, the four teams that made the playoffs last year are currently sitting in the top four spots, and the teams that missed the playoffs last year would miss them again this year if the playoffs started today. Are you we not men? Where's your fighting spirit, non-playoff teams?

Reach for the stars, big guy.

Welcome to Taintsman Tracker, our weekly peek at the lowly and meek. Our 2010 last place finisher, JBF, has an inside track on this year's Taintsman after posting only 95.5 points at home. What I find truly impressive is JBF's league-leading four free agency acquisitions. This is absolutely the type of panic button mashing that will be required to secure last place. This has been Taintman Tracker.

He'll wear a headband during a football game this season. Don't think he won't.

I would congratulate Tim Brady for posting 56.5 points and for being Week 1 MVP, but everybody knows that Brady Ain't Care. ESPN literally doesn't have a setting to reward 500+ yard games. I checked.

He's glorious.

I'll also take the time to congratulate our Week 1 Champion, The Selfish Airboats. Despite having the highest point scoring average, they will never win a championship.

Equally glorious?

Lastly, I must congratulate Mr. SKR for being the only non-playoff participant to win a game last week. Your team showed moxy, true grit, the right stuff, heart, fire, earth, wind and water.

Let's try to show some fight out there next week, OK?

Alright, good talk. See you out there