CABC 2011: WEEK 1 PREVIEW

Clipboards at Baiters

Second round pick Peyton Manning is already becoming a pain in the neck for the Baiters. Now he has Nacho Sanchez leading this team across the border followed by Jason Campbell and Andy Dalton. Good thing he’s done with school (still need to fact check this) because fixing this team is going to be a full time job for SKR. Already his week one game against the Clipboard Army is not going well. Both sides had four players go in the Thursday night game with SKC turning in a dominant performance led by Drew Brees. 43.5 points is higher than any week turned in by Birthmark last season, which makes The Clipboards pray that he is forced to play from behind all year long.

SKR hoping for the return of Johnny U

Assholes at Raditude

On a team completely devoid of Cowboys players, Darkness has both Super Bowl QBs anchoring his 2011 lineup. Aaron Rodgers was bad ace in the Thursday night game, giving the Assholes an early lead going into this weekend’s matchup. His week 1 opponent, Stabbin’ Dude With Raditude, is hoping to come out swinging after a miserable 2010 season. Honestly, miserable doesn’t begin to describe last year. Two wins. Twelve losses. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that bullshit, but looking back, that team couldn’t win at the Special Olympics. The Syndrome had four Bills players, which is four too many. Good things do not happen when Ryan Fitzpatrick is your Spirit Animal. Ownership should be so embarrassed by this performance that he should be forced to submit to a retroactive taintsman punishment.

Nothing says Harvard like a Fugbeard

Repeat at Hangover

At first glance, the Afternoon Hangover’s roster is a Who’s Who of Cowboy opponents this season. Lions and Giants and Pats, Oh My! I set the O/U for games in which MMB starts Elisha at QB and both Giant receivers at 5.5. Already first round pick Arian Foster is a game time decision for week 1 making this battle against defending champs I GOT THIS an uphill battle. Repeat’s tandem of Marmalard (Philip Rivers) and Actual Tub of Lard (Matt Stafford) makes his team a formidable foe.

Nips that would make BELK jealous

Tit Gypsies at Airboats

Despite making a boner move in selecting Vick first overall, GMF has already wowed the league with his team name. It is quite literally, The Tits. Now, this may start to get into NSFW territory, so let me know if we need to start pulling out some abbrev’s. GMF, how is it possible that you don’t know how league scoring works after all this time? Also, somehow G manages to select his favorite player, Bironas, every season. I know I speak for everyone when I hope that CABC’s Mr. Irrelevant and honorary league member, Sam Acho, makes an impact for the Tit Gypsies this season. ARB on the other hand has the meanest defense this side of the Maginot Line. Combined with Matt Ryan’s cannon, the AiRBoats will no doubt be in the playoff hunt all season. Will 2011 finally be the year ARB takes that next step to win the CABC Title? How long will SILKY ride the pine? These answers and more in the weeks to come!

Fact: Hook is the greatest film of all time.

Turtles at Bye Week

This week’s spotlight matchup is the first rivalry game of the season. The clear edge has to go to RSR this weekend as he carries a roster with two QBS, a well-paid Chris Johnson, and emotional anchor DeMarcus Ware. RER on the other hand chose the wrong Packers for last night’s game and might have trouble digging himself out of this hole. With Collins as the starter in Indy, BYE WEEK has to shift around his receiving corps and hope that the Panthers have a seasons supply of Cammy Cam juice mixed up and ready for their new star.

The Dandiest Dandies in town. Sally would be so proud.