UNLIKELY MATCHUP: FLOWER POWER vs POWER FLOUR

HIPPIES

vs.

COKE-HEADS

A hippie and a coke-head get in a street fight, who wins?


Height: Years of eating organic food and living a stress-free life have given the hippies some length of bone. On the other hand, coke-heads' years of coffee drinking and non-existent appetites have stunted their growth. Advantage: HIPPIES

"This leak is organic, local, cruelty-free, grass-fed, free-range, cage-free, and named Timothy."

Weight: Coke-heads have, at best, sporadic eating habits. They're often thin, wispy, skeleton-like creatures. Hippies, due to their laziness and love of marijuana, can achieve truly monstrous proportions. Advantage: HIPPIES

Coke-heads simply have no answer for the man known only as "BEANS"

Fitness: While hippies often stress the nebulous concept of "wellness", this generally takes the form of homeopathic healing-touch, pot-aided acupuncture, and myriad cleanses. "Wellness" rarely translates into actual exercise. Patrick Bateman could do over a thousand crunches. Enough said. Advantage: COKE-HEADS.

There's no such thing as a muscular hippie

Fighting Experience: Peace, love, and understanding might be a swell way to live, but a life of non-violence makes hippies uniquely suited to losing fights. Coke-heads fight often and fight well. Whenever you mix extreme energy levels with scarce resources, fights will break out. Long story short: coke-heads will cut you, man. Advantage: COKE-HEADS

Cut you up so bad, it'll make you wish you weren't cut up so bad.

Verdict: Coke-heads by a nose! Despite superior measurables hippies lose a close one to coke-heads. After all, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.