Wednesday, November 25, 2009



I don't want to give anything away, but the ending to this one is a Dooooozy. These next three weeks are huge for every single team. No one has locked up at playoff spot yet, and crazily, NO ONE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE PLAYOFFS. This league has more parity than heads vs tails. 

1. GMF- Appalachia Dingleberries (6-5, 5-1 AFC, 1733-1619.5)
Strong divisional play has catapulted the Dingleberries to the top of our rankings. Greg wins all tie breakers in the AFC. He holds the head to head tie breaker over Shep and Stan, and he holds the division record tie breaker over Brooks. His remaining schedule is difficult, but Greg projects to win his remaining games and clinch the 1st seed in the AFC.

2. RSR- Mark's First Attempt At This (9-2, 4-2 NFC, 1676.5-1535)
Much like Greg, Reed has secured his top spot in the NFC though strong divisional play and by holding tie breakers over the rest of the field. Reed must now concern himself with his strong remaining schedule to have some momentum going into the playoffs.

3. ARB- Fuck Yeah That Wide! (6-5, 3-2 AFC, 1826.5-1776.5)
As we dive down deeper into our league, the waters begin to muddy and our picture of a team's future becomes less clear. After a devastating loss to Stan in week 11, That Wide! plays Shep, Greg, and Barry in the team's remaining three games. Wins in these games would clinch the 2nd playoff spot, but even going 1-2 would virtually guarantee a place in the consolation ladder. Strangely, Brooks should be doing all he can to help Hill finish strong: Butkus' remaining schedule includes every AFC division opponent except That Wide!.

4. MMB- 09 - R - 3260 - (6-5, 2-3 NFC, 1644-1688)
Hollllllllly SHIT. Look what we have here!  Mark has gone on a five game winning streak and jumped from 8th all the way to 4th in our power rankings. Furthermore, Mark is projected to defeat his arch-rival and NFC nemesis, Barry, in the game this week. Mark's remaining schedule gives him an excellent opportunity to improve his division record and grab the 2nd playoff spot in the NFC. This team is simply on fire right now.

5. BEN- Assholes Finish 1st (6-5, 4-2 NFC, 1695.5-1772.5)
Championship teams simply cannot afford to lose big games. That's exactly what Finish 1st did last week in a dogfight against LUNCHBOX. Barry had a chance to eliminate Jeff from playoff contention and put his divisional record out of reach as a tie breaker. Now, what was once a certainty becomes a coin toss. Barry plays Mark, Reed and Brooks in his final three games. Instead of sitting in the catbird seat, Barry will be stuck in a pew this Sunday praying for a win over Mark. Remember, God helps those who help themselves.

6. SKC- H1 Bitch1 (5-6, 2-4 AFC, 1722.5-1555)
Although Stan is currently sitting a game back, his remaining schedule will allow Stan to easily creep back into contention. Bitch1 is projected to win two of the next three games, but this AFC playoff race will most likely come down to the final week. Much like the Dallas Cowboys, Stan has hitched his wagon to Tony Romo. If Romo falters; Stan, the Dallas Cowboys, and the world could slip away into darkness.

7. JBF- HUNGARIAN LUNCHBOX (5-6, 2-4 NFC, 1641.5-1627.5)
This team is dancing on the razor's edge. LUNCHBOX pulled off a miraculous upset last week by defeating Finish 1st by 7.5 points at home. The next three weeks will truly test LUNCHBOX down the stretch. Jeff is playing Mark the final week of the season. He'll either be looking to clinch a playoff spot, or looking to play the spoiler. LUNCHBOX is still firmly on the outside looking in, but this win has kept the dream alive for one more week.

8. SKR- Broken Prydz (5-6, 2-3 AFC, 1528.5-1625)
Somebody grab a defibrillator, because this team has flat-lined. Through six games, Shep had won five games with tactical and deliberate team play. Who could have guessed then that this team would lose its next five games? The good news is this: because of Prydz elite early season performance, the team is only one game back in the AFC. Additionally, Shep's three remaining games are against division opponents. This team is still in control of its own destiny, and wins against That Wide! and Bitch1 would go a long way towards making the playoffs.

9. ADL- Dutch Rudder Anyone? (4-7, 2-3 NFC, 1565.5-1594.4)
 Unbelievably, this team is still has a shot. Proof of concept: First, Drew has to win all his games. Next, Drew needs Mark to beat Barry and then lose his remaining games. Then, Drew needs Barry to lose to Mark, Reed, and Brooks. Then, Drew needs Jeff to lose to himself and Stan, but beat Mark. This would leave Reed at 12-2 with the first playoff spot. This would also leave Barry (6-8, 4-4 NFC), Mark (7-7, 3-5 NFC), Jeff (6-8, 3-5 NFC) and Drew (7-7, 5-3 NFC). Drew would advance due to the head to head tie breaker over Mark, as well as his superior divisional record. QED.

10. HRP- My Ditka In Her Butkus (3-8, 2-3 AFC, 1497-1735.5)
If you thought Drew still being alive was incredible, wait to you hear this: The Hilldozer is running on fumes, but The 'Dozer is still alive and kicking. PEROT LIVES!!! First, Hill has to win all his remaining games. Next, Hill needs Stan and Greg to lose all their remaining games. Then Hill needs Shep to lose to Brooks, but to beat Stan. Then, Hill needs Brooks to win all his remaining games.  Brooks finishes 9-5 and grabs the first playoff spot. This leaves Greg (6-8, 5-3 AFC), Shep (6-8, 3-5 AFC), Stan (5-9, 2-6 AFC) and Hill (6-8, 5-3 AFC). Hill and Greg split games, and have a tied divisional record, so the tie breaker would fall to the points lead. If Hill has more points at the end of the season than Greg, he would take the number two playoff spot and advance. Honestly, I thought Perot was out of it, but they don't call him The Hilldozer for nothin'.

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