CABC 2011: WEEK 7 PREVIEW

I'm still mad at Chicharito.

Jaime Garcia can suck it.

I don't know what the Pan American Games are.

All readers in Mexico are hereby banned from this week's preview.

Airboats (3-3) at Hangover (2-4)

The Airboats are on a three game skid and emotions in New Orleans are running high. Matt Forte has so far fisted his way through the NFC South. 29 points against Atlanta, 21 in New Orleans, and 38 against the Panthers. This week he gets to take his aggression out on Tampa Bay. Meek on the other hand doesn’t have Wes Welker to rely on this week. Even Elisha is on a bye week. His best remaining player is Jason Witten, who might not be needed against the Rams who allow the deep ball all day long. Armed with a roster full of second and third offensive options, The Afternoon Hangovers will fall to The Selfish Airboats.

Baiters (2-4) at Kittens (2-4)

Following his memo to current owners regarding the health of Sean Payton, I would like to remind everyone that HIII still maintains CABC posting rights. It’s kind of like the fantasy football equivalent of the minority interest in a basketball team. I suggest everyone laugh at his jokes or he could get sour and ask for stadium profits owed. But the injury to his coach is the least of the Baiters’ woes. If he showed up early enough in the morning, SKR could probably find a more reliable Quarterback than Sancez outside of a Home Depot. [Owner Tip: Try and find another guy named Sanchez. That way your overstock of “JONES 28” merchandise doesn’t go to waste. Or to poor kids in Salamya. Nobody wants that. It’s bad for business.] This weekend he picked up Carson Palmer following news that the red-haired-Heisman had been sucked into the Black Hole of Oakland. This gives the Baiters two ginger players, which, as everyone knows, is 3 too many.

I have a camel. I am the 1%

Clipboard (2-4) at Ninja Vanish (6-0)

Coming off their season sweep of JBF, the Clipboards get a reality check against the strawng pimp hand of BEN and his team of Ninja warriors. It’s not every week that Big Ben puts five touchdowns on the board, but the weak Cardinals pass D should be easy for the Steelers. Steven Jackson looked solid in his return last week, but faces a tough matchup this week in Dallas. The largest question meek for NEWB remains Ryan Mathews. As SKC holds Tolbert, the San Diego running game could be important to this matchup as Norv takes his game plan into New Jersey to face the Jets. That is unless either team makes a move between now and Sunday. But everyone knows it’s tough to work out a deal with BEN because you can’t get fair meeket value for any of his players.

Hip-Hop for BEN. New dance moves for SKC.

Repeat (4-2) at Raditude (3-3)

Despite his efforts, JBF could not overcome the hurdle of having seven players on byes last week. This is not even including Defensive Tackle Nick Fairley, who has not scored a single point through 24 quarters of football this season. Raditude laughs in the face of DTs. They are Obese Americans and should not be rewarded with multimillion-dollar contracts. Speaking of Obese Americans, ADL won last week’s catfight without actually posting any adorable photos as he was asked to. Let’s hope Karma Kitty does not strike down with her ferocious paw as Rivers and MJD are projected to turn in low point totals this week for the Repeats. 

Meek my words, Catzilla will destroy you.

Tit Gypsies (3-3) at Bye Week (3-3)
RER has turned his team around in remeekable fashion. Taking a page from Dylan Thomas, the Bye Weeks chose not to go gentle into that Sunday Night. Lovie Smith not only dismantled the Vikings and Donovan McNabb, but he delivered MMB the stern nut-check that he’s been asking for these last few weeks. The Tit Gypsies are looking like the underdogs this week without workhorse Fred Jackson and Michael Vick leading the way. GMF will have to call on the Team Texas All-Stars to get him the victory. Pistola McCoy, the winningest college QB of all time, is backed up by Miles Austin, Dallas Clark, and Texans Coach. But these folks will have to play meaner than a skillet of rattlesnakes if they plan on taking down Blinn standout SKR Cam Newton and Smith, the pride of Gladewater, Texas.

It's like Powerade. If Greg invented Powerade.