CABC 2011: WEEK 5 PREVIEW

COME EARLY, BE LOUD, STAY LATE: It's CABC's Week 5 and OU Still Sucks.

My Spirit Animal is the Acho

Tit Gypsies (2-2) at Hangover (1-3)

Peyton Hillis and Miles Austin will be using their bye weeks to return to full strength. While this might mean good things ahead for the Tit Gypsies, GMF had to pick up Victor Cruz this week since Devin Hester is too unreliable as an offensive player. The Hangovers had an impressive showing last week despite losing. MMB’s 187 points would have been enough to be most other teams in the league and he can expect to get back in the win column this weekend, especially with Arian Foster leading the way. On a sidenote, I hope that the Texas Rangers beat the living fuck out of the Detroit Tigers en route to their second AL Pennant and first World Series victory. The Motor City is a festering whorehole and should be burned to the ground. Fuck the Lions. Fuck the Tigers. And Fuck the Bears, too, just for good measure.

GMF takes second place at the 1999 Dallas County model rocket convention and hootenanny  

Repeat (3-1) at Bye Week (1-3)

Somehow Lassitron put up 200 points with Beanie Wells and his 3 touchdowns resting on the bench. ADL is hoping that lightning strikes twice as The Repeats are favored and Wells still remains in his reserve role. RER’s score of pickups was just what was needed for him to gain his first win of the season. His last minute victory over the Selfish Airboats was enough to send some league members into a tizzy. Whether or not he can keep up this luck is something we will have to keep an eye on, especially as Andre Johnson joins the ranks of injured Bye Week players.

Diary: A Week in the Life of ADL

Clipboard (1-3) at Turtles (1-3)

One of these competitors will break their losing spells this weekend, catapulting them back into contention in the weak Negro Football Conference. Michael Turner could be a risky play should the Falcons find themselves in an early hole against Green Bay. Combined with the fact that Johnny Knox has failed to reach the endzone or even break 10 points this season despite his weekly 15-point projections, SKC could be in for a long weekend—and not just because Monday is Columbus Day. RSR amazes me with his ability to track down so many photos of kittens mounting turtles. Mammals and reptiles have been great friends since the days when man and snake used to share lunch together ‘neath the tree of knowledge. Expect this one-two punch of Fur and Shell to crush Manning and his lowly Clipboards.

Pictured from L to R: SKC and RSR

Raditude (2-2) at Baiters (2-2)

For those of you hankering for a tasty weekend snack, look no further than Shonn Greene’s Ground-n-Pound Sliders, the only ground meat product that Rex Ryan approves for Goddamn Game-Day Snacks. Containing delicious bits of genuine Angus beef, buffalo and muskox, Shonn Greene Sliders are horrifically delicious. I plan on eating three before going head to head with SKR and Adrian Peterson. AD has only run for 100 yards once this season and going up against the Arizona Defense is no easy task. But never say never because anything is possible with Greg Jennings reaping the benefits of the Packers’ mighty offense. 

They are as delicious as we thought they were!

Selfish Airboats (3-1) at Ninja Vanish (4-0)

Everyone is reading too much into ARB’s Week 4 meltdown. But don’t use up all of your material now folks! He’s likely to lose this week against a well-rested Darkness, too. But the Airboats won’t be worried about dropping a game here and there until GMF begins to compete for the second AFC playoff spot. BEN has faced a revolving door of injuries at the running back position and faces a handful of bye weeks from key players. The Ninjas aren’t worried though as the only ARod still active in sports can expect a monster game against Atlanta’s swiss-cheese secondary.

BEN models the new DG Smoove spring/summer collection by David Garrard