Jaime Garcia can suck it.
I don't know what the Pan American Games are.
All readers in Mexico are hereby banned from this week's preview.
Showing posts with label The CABC Roast of Hill Perot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The CABC Roast of Hill Perot. Show all posts
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Week 10 Preview
COCO (6-3) at Celery Men (9-0)
With the return of Thursday Night Football on that channel nobody gets, ARB has decided to give Dreamy Calves, Jr a head start on this week's game. If the game comes down to the wire, ADL could pick up a bye week coach for an extra point boost as both MNF captains are still available.
Assholes (5-4) at Tayne (6-3)
RER got quite a lead in Thursday's game thanks to an impressive performance from Roddy White. Bernard has been having a tough time fitting in at the office, but there's one thing that can help him feel more at home. SEND HIM ORANGE SODA. WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA? BEN LOVES ORANGE SODA. HE DO! HE DO! HE DO! HE DO! HE DO-OO!
NomNomNom (2-7) at Buehler (6-3)
Hey SKR, that empty spot at the top of your roster, you want to take care of that chief? SKC-This is how you do a blog post. 1) Find something dumb on the internet, this part takes work because we can tell if you dont try. 2) Post it here on our blog. 3) Cry and Masturbate free from ARB breathing down your neck. Trust me, I've tried it both ways and it's just better by yourself.
Syndrome (0-9) at DPDM (6-3)
Based on the performance of HILL, the family's favorite horse, then JBF has a good shot at taking this week's game. RSR has had ample time to find cute animals online, but following Michael Turner's poor TNF showing, we won't know this time management decision plays into his total point performance.
TOUCHDOWN SYNDROME!
TOTO (3-6) at Fellatio (2-7)
The performances of these two teams are more embarrassing than that of the Syndrome because while JBF has embraced his role as league suckass, these two teams keep fighting week after week. MMB makes absurd lineup changes and refuses to make trades with anyone, your loss buddy. Fellatio sits in abeyance all week until GMF decides 5 minutes before kickoff whether or not he is going to play this week. HRKing, if you can tell me what abeyance means I'll give you Beanie Wells.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Week 11 Preview
Barry (215) at Jeff (170)
Following his David-esque performance against Reed last week, Jeff made a deal to strengthen his receiving corps and Defensive front. However he did not anticipate Barry swapping star WRs in order to get the Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson double-dip. This tandem is like the DQ Chocolate dipped cake cone to go along with his Waffle Bowl and Bad Attitude Sundae that is Kurt Warner and Anquan Boldin. While the projection has Barry nuking Jeffrey out of the water, this matchup with likely prove to be closer than expected.
Drew (157) at Hill (163)
This game is a joke. It's almost as funny as the Mr. McGibblets song and dance. "Tickle me, and rub my belly. Tickle me, and rub my belly." [Video to follow]
Greg (182) at Shep (177)
Still in a downward spiral following his name change, it is hard to believe that Shep has not selected a new moniker for his team that will get them back on the right page. Something dignified like "Dr Pepper's Lonely Parts, Right Hand" or "Kentucky Deluxe, Wild Turkey, and Old Perot." Unfortunately we are still stuck with a picture of a woman's ass that we've all seen and a name that is over my head.
It would seem that Greg sees me as a more of a role model than I knew. I have now spent more semesters out of school than I have actually in class, and I am filled with a great sense of pride that my younger brother is following in my footsteps. Now Greg's extended summer vacation is finally winding down. He's had a lot of time to relax and reflect while at home this fall. Even though his injury was caused by working out, I think he has actually enjoyed his time in physical therapy. The Fijolek's have always had an entrepreneurial spirit dating back to the days of the family spaghetti factory in Chicago and our sock emporium, Something's A Foot. Greg and I have developed a business plan to open a chain of Fijolek Brothers BBQ-ram Yoga Centers. Instead of raising the temperature to a sweat inducing level, Greg will serve the customers barbecue until they begin suffering from the meat sweats at which point they will begin their yoga workouts.
Fijolek Brother's BBQ-ram Yoga - Home of the Matterdog
Mark (172) at Reed (145)
As Mark ventured out of the house for the first time in months to finally join the corporate world, Reed likely locked himself in his bathroom and cried the week away. Cheer up Reed, things could be worse. You could be Mark Mangino, Charlie Weis or Kurt Warner.
Stan (170) at Brooks (177)
Sir Brooks of Greenbrier faced a dilemma earlier this week with his powerback, Lord Ronnie Brown of Dolphinshire, went down for the season with a knee injury. Brooks immediately went into action, scouring over his opponents' rosters with a fine tooth comb, looking for a new RB. He now wishes that he could've made a deal with his week 11 rival to pickup Ricky Williams who picked up the slack in Brown's absence and scored 39 points for Stanley.
Following his David-esque performance against Reed last week, Jeff made a deal to strengthen his receiving corps and Defensive front. However he did not anticipate Barry swapping star WRs in order to get the Matt Schaub to Andre Johnson double-dip. This tandem is like the DQ Chocolate dipped cake cone to go along with his Waffle Bowl and Bad Attitude Sundae that is Kurt Warner and Anquan Boldin. While the projection has Barry nuking Jeffrey out of the water, this matchup with likely prove to be closer than expected.
Drew (157) at Hill (163)
This game is a joke. It's almost as funny as the Mr. McGibblets song and dance. "Tickle me, and rub my belly. Tickle me, and rub my belly." [Video to follow]
Greg (182) at Shep (177)
Still in a downward spiral following his name change, it is hard to believe that Shep has not selected a new moniker for his team that will get them back on the right page. Something dignified like "Dr Pepper's Lonely Parts, Right Hand" or "Kentucky Deluxe, Wild Turkey, and Old Perot." Unfortunately we are still stuck with a picture of a woman's ass that we've all seen and a name that is over my head.
It would seem that Greg sees me as a more of a role model than I knew. I have now spent more semesters out of school than I have actually in class, and I am filled with a great sense of pride that my younger brother is following in my footsteps. Now Greg's extended summer vacation is finally winding down. He's had a lot of time to relax and reflect while at home this fall. Even though his injury was caused by working out, I think he has actually enjoyed his time in physical therapy. The Fijolek's have always had an entrepreneurial spirit dating back to the days of the family spaghetti factory in Chicago and our sock emporium, Something's A Foot. Greg and I have developed a business plan to open a chain of Fijolek Brothers BBQ-ram Yoga Centers. Instead of raising the temperature to a sweat inducing level, Greg will serve the customers barbecue until they begin suffering from the meat sweats at which point they will begin their yoga workouts.
Fijolek Brother's BBQ-ram Yoga - Home of the MatterdogMark (172) at Reed (145)
As Mark ventured out of the house for the first time in months to finally join the corporate world, Reed likely locked himself in his bathroom and cried the week away. Cheer up Reed, things could be worse. You could be Mark Mangino, Charlie Weis or Kurt Warner.
Stan (170) at Brooks (177)
Sir Brooks of Greenbrier faced a dilemma earlier this week with his powerback, Lord Ronnie Brown of Dolphinshire, went down for the season with a knee injury. Brooks immediately went into action, scouring over his opponents' rosters with a fine tooth comb, looking for a new RB. He now wishes that he could've made a deal with his week 11 rival to pickup Ricky Williams who picked up the slack in Brown's absence and scored 39 points for Stanley.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Week 5 Preview
Brooks (3-1, 112) at Barry (1-3, 116)
Matchup Resembles: Niners-Falcons
Barry has started the season against some mediocre teams who have had players who exploded for big games. This week he gets to go up against Brooks who will have to go without his top two defensive players, Darren Sharper and Charles Woodson.
Jeff (2-2, 91) at Shep (3-1, 86)
Matchup Resembles: Bengals-Ravens
After starting 2-0, Jeff has lost his last two games. The rest of the season will be different though because Jeff was so moved by the NFL's "Pink Appreciation Week" that he went out and bought himself a new pair of receivers' gloves. Perfect for snatching pans out of the oven or just accessorizing for a night on the town, sticky pink gloves make a great gift and an equally good band name.
Drew (1-3, 91) at Greg (2-2, 120.5)
Matchup Resembles: Lions-Steelers
Lassiter really needs Tom Brady to take the step from Average to Tom Brady if he hopes to move up from his position at the bottom of the league. Greg's point projection is higher than I would award since his two starting quarterbacks are on their bye weeks and Chris Johnson scoring 28 points against the Colts is unlikely.
Hill (1-3, 95) at Reed (4-0, 99.5)
Matchup Resembles: Raiders-Giants
On paper this matchup is much closer than it will actually turn out on Sunday. Hill continues to try every trick to try and improve his team including sending Jeff a check for $200 to try and get him to doctor the points. I would recommend everyone else do the same.
Stan (2-2, 106) at Mark (1-3, 92)
Matchup Resembles: Texans-Cards
Neither team is supposed to score very many points in this battle. But while Stan keeps Tony Romo on the bench until he can work his way out of the doghouse, Mark has resorted to attempting backroom deals with Barry and Jeff. If anyone is willing to put their starting QB on the line, Mark is looking to make a bet to see who has a lower level of total body fat.
Kurt Warner draws like a 4 year old
Matchup Resembles: Niners-Falcons
Barry has started the season against some mediocre teams who have had players who exploded for big games. This week he gets to go up against Brooks who will have to go without his top two defensive players, Darren Sharper and Charles Woodson.
Jeff (2-2, 91) at Shep (3-1, 86)
Matchup Resembles: Bengals-Ravens
After starting 2-0, Jeff has lost his last two games. The rest of the season will be different though because Jeff was so moved by the NFL's "Pink Appreciation Week" that he went out and bought himself a new pair of receivers' gloves. Perfect for snatching pans out of the oven or just accessorizing for a night on the town, sticky pink gloves make a great gift and an equally good band name.
Drew (1-3, 91) at Greg (2-2, 120.5)
Matchup Resembles: Lions-Steelers
Lassiter really needs Tom Brady to take the step from Average to Tom Brady if he hopes to move up from his position at the bottom of the league. Greg's point projection is higher than I would award since his two starting quarterbacks are on their bye weeks and Chris Johnson scoring 28 points against the Colts is unlikely.
Hill (1-3, 95) at Reed (4-0, 99.5)
Matchup Resembles: Raiders-Giants
On paper this matchup is much closer than it will actually turn out on Sunday. Hill continues to try every trick to try and improve his team including sending Jeff a check for $200 to try and get him to doctor the points. I would recommend everyone else do the same.
Stan (2-2, 106) at Mark (1-3, 92)
Matchup Resembles: Texans-Cards
Neither team is supposed to score very many points in this battle. But while Stan keeps Tony Romo on the bench until he can work his way out of the doghouse, Mark has resorted to attempting backroom deals with Barry and Jeff. If anyone is willing to put their starting QB on the line, Mark is looking to make a bet to see who has a lower level of total body fat.
Kurt Warner draws like a 4 year old
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Week 4 Preview
Brooks (122.5) at Jeff (115.5)ab
This epic brawl of titans features Manning (BRKS) and Brees (JFIJ), the top two quarterbacks in our league. Brees has more value over the season, but Manning (home against Seattle) has the advantage over Brees (home against the Jets) this week. The other positions are more disparate: Jeff has better RB's, OP, and HC; Brooks has better WR's, Defense, and K. ESPN projects That Wide! over LUNCHBOX by 7, but the game is close enough in talent for a single player performance to lead their team to victory.
Shepherd (103) at Drew (73.5)jf
Drew had a mighty impressive goal line stand against Jeff last week. After winning by 1 yard and half a point, Lassiter's players are pretty banged up. Faced with the loss of Frank Gore, Drew will rely on the returning Marshawn Lynch to go into Beast Mode and Terrell Owens to pull his weight against Miami.
After his loss to Stan, Shepherd felt more let down than the people of Chicago. At least they have televisions to go home to. All Shep has is an open, albeit well lit, living room. The perfect place to practice his dancing. This clip fits for Shepherd because he has juco experience and I think he would make a good Joel McHale. Krumpit.
Barry (103.5) at Reed (116)jf
Reed has not had much time to participate in fantasy football this week with the Phoenix Mercury and Indiana Fever tied at one game apiece in the WNBA Finals. This is a very exciting time of year as hockey has started and basketball is right around the corner. But without a doubt, football dominates the fall. That's right guys, the wait is over. It's UFL season!!!!! Enough of being stuck watching college football and the NFL. What kind of competition can you have between teams when there are 32 in the league. Give me neon jerseys, screaming coaches and JP Losman and I am sold.
Ms Lynn is not impressed by Barry's performance this season.
Mark (72.5) at Hill (89)jf
I'm not saying Beneke is a crybaby, but he does have a mastery over 3rd grade style revenge tactics. After making a fuss over the Brooks-Fijolek trade earlier this week, it pleased me to hear that Mark was treated to a night of tending to his girlfriend and her sake-induced vomiting. Though he enters this matchup as the favorite, Hill's narrow victory last week is still viewed by many as a fluke.
Hill Perot at the Jews for Jesus Ski Weekend
Telluride, CO | February 6-8, 2009
Stan (90.5) at Greg (103.5)ab
Hmmm... You know what? I don't know how this game is gonna turn out.
But I do have an idea...
A Movie Idea:
Stan and Greg star in a gripping drama about two friends and the complex world of competitive eating. Basically, a shot for shot remake of Good Will Hunting. (Greg is Matt Damon, Stan is Ben Affleck). Instead of mathematically ability, Greg possesses a rare ability to eat food. And instead of growing up poor and in Boston, they grew up rich and in Dallas. They grew up, went to college, and now both have high-paying white collar jobs as attorneys/bankers/etc. (we'll figure this out during edits). All of the scenes still work.
The Bar scene:
Stan and Greg (with cameos by all of us) end up on the wrong side of town, and in a dive bar populated by local competitive eaters. Stan starts hitting on one of them, and claims to remember her from a hamburger eating contest. Just when Stan is about to be exposed as a non-competitive eater, Greg and the would-be-exposer get into an eating contest.
The Math Problem scene:
Greg eats an entire luncheon's worth of food at his office, and when the office holds a meeting to see who could have done it, Greg doesn't show. The CEO of Greg's company then lays out 100 6 foot party subs and issues a challenge. His boss catches him right as he's finishing up the subs, but Greg's eating prowess is shown to the CEO, a former competitive eater himself.
The Moving On scene:
Shot for shot, almost exactly the same. Instead of Matt Damon moving on a life of economic success, Greg would be moving from a life of white collar drudgery to the exciting and truly free world of competitive eating.
Are there a few details to work out? Of course there are, but I think the idea is solid. In fact, I think the movie projects better as a drama than as the more obvious comedy (or spoof). The key to this story's cinematic success would be to convey the white-collar worker's longing for freedom with the same intensity as the impoverished's longing for a better life. Also, this may be a way to have a movie studio bankroll a two hour meatball sub eating contest.
This epic brawl of titans features Manning (BRKS) and Brees (JFIJ), the top two quarterbacks in our league. Brees has more value over the season, but Manning (home against Seattle) has the advantage over Brees (home against the Jets) this week. The other positions are more disparate: Jeff has better RB's, OP, and HC; Brooks has better WR's, Defense, and K. ESPN projects That Wide! over LUNCHBOX by 7, but the game is close enough in talent for a single player performance to lead their team to victory.
Shepherd (103) at Drew (73.5)jf
Drew had a mighty impressive goal line stand against Jeff last week. After winning by 1 yard and half a point, Lassiter's players are pretty banged up. Faced with the loss of Frank Gore, Drew will rely on the returning Marshawn Lynch to go into Beast Mode and Terrell Owens to pull his weight against Miami.
After his loss to Stan, Shepherd felt more let down than the people of Chicago. At least they have televisions to go home to. All Shep has is an open, albeit well lit, living room. The perfect place to practice his dancing. This clip fits for Shepherd because he has juco experience and I think he would make a good Joel McHale. Krumpit.
Barry (103.5) at Reed (116)jf
Reed has not had much time to participate in fantasy football this week with the Phoenix Mercury and Indiana Fever tied at one game apiece in the WNBA Finals. This is a very exciting time of year as hockey has started and basketball is right around the corner. But without a doubt, football dominates the fall. That's right guys, the wait is over. It's UFL season!!!!! Enough of being stuck watching college football and the NFL. What kind of competition can you have between teams when there are 32 in the league. Give me neon jerseys, screaming coaches and JP Losman and I am sold.
Despite picking up his first win of the season, Barry still has to prove that his team does not have to rely on Adrian Peterson in order to win every week. So far his defense has been strong, but counting on points from Matt Schaub has to make Barry more than nervous.
Ms Lynn is not impressed by Barry's performance this season.Mark (72.5) at Hill (89)jf
I'm not saying Beneke is a crybaby, but he does have a mastery over 3rd grade style revenge tactics. After making a fuss over the Brooks-Fijolek trade earlier this week, it pleased me to hear that Mark was treated to a night of tending to his girlfriend and her sake-induced vomiting. Though he enters this matchup as the favorite, Hill's narrow victory last week is still viewed by many as a fluke.
Hill Perot at the Jews for Jesus Ski WeekendTelluride, CO | February 6-8, 2009
Stan (90.5) at Greg (103.5)ab
Hmmm... You know what? I don't know how this game is gonna turn out.
But I do have an idea...
A Movie Idea:
Stan and Greg star in a gripping drama about two friends and the complex world of competitive eating. Basically, a shot for shot remake of Good Will Hunting. (Greg is Matt Damon, Stan is Ben Affleck). Instead of mathematically ability, Greg possesses a rare ability to eat food. And instead of growing up poor and in Boston, they grew up rich and in Dallas. They grew up, went to college, and now both have high-paying white collar jobs as attorneys/bankers/etc. (we'll figure this out during edits). All of the scenes still work.
The Bar scene:
Stan and Greg (with cameos by all of us) end up on the wrong side of town, and in a dive bar populated by local competitive eaters. Stan starts hitting on one of them, and claims to remember her from a hamburger eating contest. Just when Stan is about to be exposed as a non-competitive eater, Greg and the would-be-exposer get into an eating contest.
The Math Problem scene:
Greg eats an entire luncheon's worth of food at his office, and when the office holds a meeting to see who could have done it, Greg doesn't show. The CEO of Greg's company then lays out 100 6 foot party subs and issues a challenge. His boss catches him right as he's finishing up the subs, but Greg's eating prowess is shown to the CEO, a former competitive eater himself.
The Moving On scene:
Shot for shot, almost exactly the same. Instead of Matt Damon moving on a life of economic success, Greg would be moving from a life of white collar drudgery to the exciting and truly free world of competitive eating.
Are there a few details to work out? Of course there are, but I think the idea is solid. In fact, I think the movie projects better as a drama than as the more obvious comedy (or spoof). The key to this story's cinematic success would be to convey the white-collar worker's longing for freedom with the same intensity as the impoverished's longing for a better life. Also, this may be a way to have a movie studio bankroll a two hour meatball sub eating contest.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Taking all bets
Only this week's "Battle of the Bads" matchup of Barry and Beneke has been decided going into tonight's MNF Cowboys-Panthers game. Assuming Steve Smith doesn't have a 50 point night, Barry will take the W and start making his way up the NFC ladder.
Hill's lead over Greg has gone from 70 down to 25 and the Little Peg Leg Who Could has 4 players going tonight.
Jeffrey needs the fastest 40-year-old in the world to pull down 12 points to preserve his hopes at going undefeated this season.
A poor showing by Nick Folk could nullify last night's hard-fought battle between Reed and send the victory back to Brooks.
Though signs point to a Cunningham win, a 96 point Cowboys margin of victory quarterbacked by Jon Kitna would probably turn things back in Shepherd's direction.
Hill's lead over Greg has gone from 70 down to 25 and the Little Peg Leg Who Could has 4 players going tonight.Jeffrey needs the fastest 40-year-old in the world to pull down 12 points to preserve his hopes at going undefeated this season.
A poor showing by Nick Folk could nullify last night's hard-fought battle between Reed and send the victory back to Brooks.
Though signs point to a Cunningham win, a 96 point Cowboys margin of victory quarterbacked by Jon Kitna would probably turn things back in Shepherd's direction.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)