Thursday, September 24, 2009

Week 3 Preview

Reed (95) at Brooks (135)
Here lies Alexander Robert Brooks who passed just days after his 23rd birthday after attending the Dallas Cowboys' opening game at their new stadium, a loss to the New York Football Giants. Downing round after round of Crown and Cokes purchased for him by sketchy Mexican "businessmen," Brooks left the game in a funk. He passed a large black gentleman and was suddenly overcome by the urge to give him a bear hug. And that is the story about the day Larry Allen ate Alex Brooks.
On the opposite end of the spectrum from Mark and Barry is this battle of the unbeatens featuring Reed and Brooks. Following his last minute victory over Mark, Reed well need Fred Jackson to fall short of his 33 projected points in order to defeat Brooks.

Jeff (114) at Drew (89.5)
Despite a monster game from Frank Gore, Drew has not been able to come away with a win yet. The fact that his Defense is more beat up than a bunch of hemophiliac tweens trying to get to the front row of a Jonas Brothers concert means Tom Brady will need step up and lead his Offense to victory.
Fantasy football is like Training Day. I'm the naive little white guy and Barry is the black sensei. He taught me everything I know, and then I threw him to the Russians. In the end, Barry is going to tank his season, blame it on me, and win the Oscar. I bet he wants to bang Macy Gray, too.

Shepherd (113.5) at Stan (115)
Stan is in for another close game this week against Shepherd. Shep's victories have come against weak opponents, so this matchup is sure to bring him down a peg.
This is becoming a serious problem because it is week 3 and I still can't think of stuff to make fun of Stan about. Please forgive me and accept this clip from the funniest show on television as a stand in for me.

Greg (107.5) at Hill (93.5)
I'm a Google guy. I tried using bing, but when I did a search for "worst fantasy team ever," Hill's Butkus didn't show up. Now I'm convinced that Hill doesn't really care about this league which makes facing off against him like having a bye week. Congratulations Greg, Bye!

Mark (117) at Barry (98)
Week three will usher in a new era as one of these winless teams will finally be able to tally a victory and leave the other in an even deeper hole. Barry controls a team that has not reached its potential because of injuries while Mark's roster does not brag many top 20 performers other than Vincent Jackson and Tony Gonzalez. In fact, Mark knows that his team is weak. He made me an interesting offer earlier suggesting that we wager our players on a game of NCAA10. I declined because it would be like trading Mewtwo for a Wurmple, and only Hill is foolish enough to make that deal.

1 comment:

  1. I hugged the shit out of Larry Allen. He could tell that I was a true fan, and because of this, he accepted my hug. Surely, Larry Allen could have expelled my body from his, but he chose not to. The hug tasted to me like a honeyed mead... I do love Larry Allen so...