Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Osi Umenyiora: Not a Rain Player

Look at those big asses. Revel in those big asses. I assert that when those things jiggle the earth's polar winds shift just a teensy bit. I don't know what one calls motorboating an ass like that, but if I had to wager a guess, it would be Snorkelblimping. And I guaran-god-damn-tee you that Osi Umenyiora has gone down that treacherous road a time or two.
Now I do trust that we all hate the Giants. After all, our fantasy leagues' name is a testament to God's Team, America's Team, and Mexican drug kingpin Osiel Cardenas Guillen's team. I'll further my conjecture by asserting that any dissention in an NFC East rival's locker room is good news to any Cowboys fan.
...Okay, so Osi Umenyiora walking out of the locker room is old news... its over and done with. But the cupcake has been injured for a year. Dudes been sitting on his $14 mil guaranteed eating twinkies and snorkelblimping jell-o asses for like 18 months now. What does he have to bitch about? Bill Sheridan must have really gone off on that D-line. Whatever. I want pac man back. Or at least Greg Ellis

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