Thursday, November 17, 2011

Week 10 Review: Taintsman Power Rankings

Miniature Giraffe Optional                                     
 Occupy Golf Course was an overwhelming success.


10. Ninja Vanish!, BEN. Odds to win: 500/1 OFF
BEN doing his happy dance
Sadly, BEN is mathematically eliminated from winning the Taintsman. No near-beers for him.

9. The Selfish Airboats, ARB. Odds to win: 100/1 OFF
That mouse can dance.
ARB has also been mathematically eliminated from winning. There's always next year.

8. Repeat? I GOT THIS, ADL. Odds to win: 80/1 OFF
ADL sucks at losing. What a loser.
For Taintsman victory, ADL needs a time machine. Sorry big guy.

7. Baiters Gonna 'Bait, SKR. Odds to win: 24/1

SKR might nab the Taintsman, but it's a long shot
Alright, now we're talking. SKR is only three games out of last place with four to play. He'll need to dig especially deep to overcome a strong 4-3 divisional record, and he'll need SKC to do him a solid and win a game or two. At 24/1, SKR is a long shot to win, but he's still in the hunt.

6. Kittens Riding Turtles, RSR. Odds to win: 19/1
Things started off badly between RSR and his new girlfriend, but they found a way to make it work.
RSR has got a few things going for him if he wants to nab the Taintsman: a weak divisional record, a chance to gift SKC a victory, and the will to lose. Sadly, RSR has a pretty great team and he's probably going to destroy SKC when they play this week. BUT! If RSR drops a game to SKC, it's anybody's game.

5. BYE WEEK, RER. Odds to win: 11/1
RER had a promising start to the season, but never ended up going anywhere
After RER dropped his first three games, it looked like a Taintsman victory was a fait accompli. Sadly, RER went on a four game winning streak to seriously damage his chances. Of course, he proceeded to lose the next three games after that, so there's hope that RER has returned to form. Like RSR, RER plays SKC and therefore controls his own destiny. Can this team get on a roll?

4. Afternoon Hangover, MMB. Odds to win: 5/1
He's got a point.
MMB is our first serious Taintsman contender. He's only two games off the pace. He faces three tough opponents and SKC. If SKC pulls out a victory against MMB, MMB could go .500 the rest of the season and still nab the Taintsman. He's not the favorite, but no one can deny that MMB is still a strong bet for Taintsman glory.

3. A Stabbin Dude With Raditude, JBF. Odds to win: 11/4
JBF, CABC's 2010 last place finisher, does not like O'Douls. (Alt Text: "Fuck to you!")
In what looks like a clear scheduling error, JBF plays his brother and fellow Taintsman contender in back to back weeks. This unique scheduling allows for a huge swing in the race to last place. JBF also plays the undefeated BEN this week. With any luck, he could drop three games in three weeks and be the heavy favorite going into Taintsman-Bowl Weekend.

2. Terrence Cody's Tit Gypsies, GMF. Odds to win: 3/2
If GMF could use the force, I really wonder how he might use it.
GMF is the prohibitive favorite for Taintsman in the AFC. Only one game back of our leader, GMF is hurt badly by his head-to-head victory over SKC. If GMF wants to taste that sweet, sweet O'Doul's, he'll have to win outright. GMF has had the moxy to continue to lose those close games, but he'll need to bring his game to a new level if he wants to keep the Taintsman trophy in the F household.

1. Manning the Clipboard, SKC. Odds to win: 2/3
Do I look like Samuel L. Jackson?
SKC has turned in a stunningly strong performance this season. Success starts at the top, and as you see in this photo, SKC has made some questionable decisions. The next four weeks will be very difficult, SKC has the right team, schedule, and mindset win it all. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the man who never posts had to post a photo of himself drinking O'Doul's here every day?

Good talk, see you out there.

PS: I'm taking all bets on who gets the Taintsman. Parlays, teasers, over-under total final wins, Taintsman runner up. All of it. If you've got a wager, I'll set the odds.

PPS: SKC is Week 10 Champion, Dreamboat is Week 10 MVP.

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