Friday, September 24, 2010

Week 3 Previews

Buehler (2-0) at Fellatio (0-2)
It was clear last week that the Arizona Cardinals were missing Kurt Warner on the field last Sunday as they were thumped by the Snelling led Atlanta Falcons. It also made me think back to a simpler time when this blog meant something. I used to poke fun at Kurt Warner week after week. Then he decides not to play catch with Larry Fitzgerald anymore and goes out and gets himself of Phil Mickelson model moobs. Now it’s all just cat balls and penis wines. Well fear not friends! Kurt Warner is back and he’s bringing his messianic moves with him. I’m sure most of you all already caught his debut performance this past week on DWTS, but here it is for those of you who missed it.

Tayne (2-0) at TOTO (1-1)
“Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.”

Celery Men (2-0) at COCO (0-2)
The Celery Hombres could face decreased production from Tim Hightower this week as Beanie Wells is expected to return and take some of the carries against Oakland. ADL has been quietly watching the waiver wire as his team sits at 0-2. Goddammit, this GIF is making me dizzy. Is there any way to turn this damn thing off? MAKE IT STOP. It’s like meatspin, but shinier.
NomNomNom (1-1) at Assholes (2-0)
Ndamukong means “House of Spears” in Camaroonese. Bernard translates to “Get your weak ass defense out of here, white boy” in Spanish. These two offenses match up pretty evenly this week with Favre facing the Lions and McNabb playing the Rams. On the other side of the ball, SKR boasts Haloti Ngata, the fifth highest ranked D-Tackle! BEN has everyone else—Suh, Adrian Wilson, Polamalu, and LaMarr Woodley. Nerdwell wins by a country mile. That’s not a race joke.
DPDM (0-2) at Syndrome (0-2)
The marquee matchup of the week will likely be decided before Faith Hill starts singing on Sunday night. One of these winless teams will suck just a little less by the end of this game. It has been a long week for The Syndrome, switching out players via waivers and learning that Safety Tanard Jackson will be suspended until next season following his fourth failed drug test. It should have been expected though, because had the Syndrome’s GM done his research, he would have seen in Jackson’s medical history that he has a chronic case of Josh Howard Face.

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