HE IS WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS! AND THAT'S WHY WE TOOK THE DAMN FIELD! NOW IF YOU WANT TO CROWN HIM, THEN CROWN HIS ASS!

I'd like you all to take a second and look at the colors on the left. Don't look at the numbers yet, just the colors. Mark, a fantasy football greenhorn, has managed to acquire the only team with all above average players based on ESPN projections. His point total of 1769.5 is 86 points higher than Barry's, who is second in our projections. Football outsiders takes a less rosy view of Mark's band of misfits, but most of his players and his team still come in above average.

Sure, preseason projections are educated guesses at best, but look at his players. Barring injury, every one of those players is a solid producer. Where's the weakness on this team? I haven't posted the defensive projections, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Haynesworth, Dansby, Tuck, and Morrison are his first four defensive starters. Gentlemen, it appears our worst fears have been realized: Mark is good at fantasy football.