I Got Jerry Jone$ Money

What is one to do when their state run institution of higher learning sends them a refund check valued at $8,511? What about two checks valued at $8,511? I need help spending the remaining 150 Benjamins after I drop 2 grand for a walk on role in True Blood and $15 on recreating this arts & crafts project.

That Makes Me a Saaaad Panda...

Bill Belichick got a little choked up during the announcement that Tedy Bruschi was retiring:

"I've had the privilege of coaching a lot of great players and great leaders in National Football League and . . . I'll . . . . I'll just put Tedy up there with all of them and above all of them."

"If you ask me to sum it up - how I feel about Tedy Bruschi in five seconds," Belichick said. "He's the perfect player. He's the perfect player."

"I'm in that team meeting sometimes and I hear [Belichick] speak," Bruschi said. "And I swear it's the same thing I would say."

Jesus, get a room.

From PFT

Additional Good Fantasy Team Name

Maybe my favorite I've heard all time...saw it in Bill Simmons' last summer mailbag article. Deep Throw It

-HP

HE IS WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS! AND THAT'S WHY WE TOOK THE DAMN FIELD! NOW IF YOU WANT TO CROWN HIM, THEN CROWN HIS ASS!

I'd like you all to take a second and look at the colors on the left. Don't look at the numbers yet, just the colors. Mark, a fantasy football greenhorn, has managed to acquire the only team with all above average players based on ESPN projections. His point total of 1769.5 is 86 points higher than Barry's, who is second in our projections. Football outsiders takes a less rosy view of Mark's band of misfits, but most of his players and his team still come in above average.

Sure, preseason projections are educated guesses at best, but look at his players. Barring injury, every one of those players is a solid producer. Where's the weakness on this team? I haven't posted the defensive projections, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Haynesworth, Dansby, Tuck, and Morrison are his first four defensive starters. Gentlemen, it appears our worst fears have been realized: Mark is good at fantasy football.

Fantasy Team Projections

http://rapidshare.com/files/273056376/Projections.xls.html

http://docs.google.com/View?id=dhfbnfhr_0g83vsnhg

Balance between the teams seems great. The distance between the highest and lowest projection is less than 250 points for both ESPN and Football Outsiders. I'll post back later with a few shocking trends.

Draft Comment & League Schedule

Draft

Great turnout for the draft last night. At one point we actually had every person drafting live, which is a first for this league. I've begun to compile some initial offensive power rankings using ESPN and Football Outsider player projections. I started to look at the defensive players, but the projections vary so wildly from source to source that I decided against it. I'll take another look after Week 4 and see if the projections settle down enough for a power ranking to make sense. All the teams look good overall, and whether to start 2 QBs or 3 RBs seemed to be the largest build variant. I'll have the projections posted later tonight or tomorrow, but so far they've been surprisingly close.


Schedule

I'm in the process of changing the league schedule on ESPN. So if you check your team, and you only play away games, don't freak out. This is only temporary. I'm setting the match-ups first, then setting home field advantage.

Details:

Our league has 2 divisions of 5 teams each. Divisions were determined randomly at the beginning of the season. The top two teams from each division advance to the playoffs. We will seed the playoffs manually by division. Top two overall records advance, with ties being broken by head to head record, then then division record, then regular season total points, then a fist fight. Our regular season runs for 14 weeks. Each team will play every team in their division both home and away. Each team will play four of the teams outside their division once, and one team outside their division twice (home and away). As always, call me with any questions, concerns or ideas for Christian-themed young-adult mystery literature.

Alex Brooks

Fantasy Insurance

Worried about your star player going down in week 1? Solution: buy insurance.
http://www.fantasysportsinsurance.com/

Fantasy Football: Serious Business

Draft Date Set: 8:15pm CST, August 26th

The draft is just 10 short days away. Draft pick trading is now available through the ESPN site. League fees are due to our accountant (Mrs. Fijolek) before the first game, so drop off cash or mail a check when you get a chance.

Also, The Cowboys play the giants week 2 (Sept. 20th) in Dallas. This is the first official home game played in the new stadium, and Jeff and I are going to try to go. Let me know if you'd like to come with us.

Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!

Saw this on KSK. Jerry Jones and Charlton Heston are practically separated at birth.

Draft Lottery

While we have not come up with a concrete time and/or place for this years draft, tonight was the 2009 Can't All Be Cowboys Draft Lottery. Names, draft positions and divisions were placed in separate bowls and selected randomly one at a time until all the cards had been drawn. The drawing process was performed by the accounting firm of BHF & George.

Without further ado, I present you all with this years draft order:

1. BN
2. DL
3. JF
4. SC
5. AB
6. RR
7. HP
8. GF
9. SR
10. MB

Alexander Football Conference
AB
SC
HP
GF
SP

Barry Football Conference
JF
BN
DL
MB
RR

Funny FFL Team Names

In honor of the fast approaching football season, I've compiled a list of interesting/hilarious team names for everybody's general enjoyment. Some of these I made up, most I saw in other spots and thought they were funny enough to repeat.

I've taken my personal favorite, my ditka in her butkus. However there are a few more that some of you may be interested in. Enjoy.

Vick in a Box

Burrested Development

Two Vicks one Pup

I Just Witten My Pants

The Roethlisrapers

Fourth Down Syndrome

Show me your TD's

ESPeepN (in honor of Erin Andrews)

The Jackson 4

Donte Drink and Drive (thank you Donte Stallworth)

Let the games begin,

-HRP

Welcome Back

Esteemed Colleagues,

It is my great pleasure to welcome you to a new football season!

A few important new changes to the league this year:

First and foremost, the league fee is now $200 dollars. Teams in the playoffs will receive money.

Champion: $900
Runner-Up: $500
Consolation Winner: $350
Consolation Loser: $250

Secondly, the league now has an official place of residence. While ESPN will handle all the nuts and bolts, CantAllBeCowboys.blogspot.com will serve as the communications center for our league. This is because our more industrious league members are now gainfully employed. ESPN fantasy football is usually blocked at the workplace, but blogspot is generally allowed. Previously at ESPN, posting rights had been denied to non-league managers, but blogspot allows each of you to post as you see fit. I hope this new means of communication will kindle more trades, more trash talk, and a more active league overall.

Lastly, I've effected a small change in scoring. Linebackers will now receive .5 points per tackle instead of 1 point. Last year linebackers were scoring too many points relative to their overall importance (A good linebacker was worth as much as a good receiver), so hopefully this adjustment will change that slightly.

I'll be in touch with each of you to discuss the draft date and to answer any questions you might have. Once you read this, PLEASE SEND ME YOUR GMAIL ADDRESS so that I can add you as an author on blogspot.

All you fuckers are going down this year,

Alex Brooks