Thursday, March 10, 2011

If We Don't Have Football The Terrorists Win

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. A lot has happened in the time since we last spoke many fortnights ago. In the weeks since Crocs Out Cocks Out won the CABC Football Championship, Starbucks changed its omnipresent logo, Charlie Sheen went completely sane, Nic Cage drove angry, and Black History Month passed us by like the unexplained Smoke Monster from LOST. I come to you all now, nearing the Ides of March, in hopes that I can assassinate all memories of the 2010 Syndrome’s terrible performance. The good people of CABC Nation deserve better.

How do I propose that we move forward and improve the almighty League? Diversification.

Every day the NFL Owners and Players Association meet and don’t come to some sort of agreement, a part of me grows increasingly worried. I may not have the Ivy League education or financial expertise that can be claimed by our newly crowned champion or other league members, but I do understand how important it is to cover your ass when there’s a risky situation on the horizon. While I hope for the best in these ongoing labor talks, I know that football is at the earliest still 6 months away.

To fill our fantasy-less summers, I motion that we throw out the first pitch for the 2011 CABC Fantasy Baseball Season.

In a mere matter of days, The Texas Rangers will begin their defense of the American League Pennant. And as we cheer them on, I invite you all to join me in this exciting new venture. Our shared ignorance when it comes to the game of “baseball” will allow for level competition until Mr. ARB builds some super spreadsheets to destroy us all. And if CABC Summer League goes as planned, the blog will be brought back from hiatus, providing hours of cute and/or hysterical enjoyment.

I ask that you all please confirm your participation so draft preparations can be made. “I had rather have such men my friends than enemies.”

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